A Place of Rest

The other day I made a quick scroll on facebook and noticed this little blurb was the hot topic of the day.  I saw the first two few sentences and figured my travel weary self didn’t need a guilt trip to boot.  There is no doubt we’ve been the classic family on the road this year, although for different reasons than the ones she probably mentioned.  I never did go read it.

Ten minutes later it made me smile.  I actually like some things about parenting on the road.  Let’s face it, I bet we all have a lot of road time.  Why not redeem it?  When else are you and your children strapped into relatively comfortable seating in such close proximity of each other?  What a great time for conversation.  When Adam was two, we made regular twenty minute trips to the house we were building.  We talked about everything from the way the seasons changed to what would be happening out at the house.  He learned to recognize numbers by how many fingers I showed him on my right hand while I drove with my left.  As he approached three, we began basic Math.  “If daddy gives you two oranges and I give you one more orange, how many do you have altogether?”

When Liam was one, I helped with school carpool and once again we made daily road trips.  He loved observatory questions like, “What color is the sky?” or “I can see a horse; can you find it?” A year later he learned to discern truth from lying in the same way.  “Is the sky blue?  If I say, ‘the sky is brown,’ is that truth or a lie?

More recently we’ve had random discussions like “How do babies get out?”  Let me tell you, eye contact in conversation is over-rated.  It was quite comfortable and convenient having that little Science lesson surface when we were together but not face to face. Especially when we got to the end of the questions and Adam muttered, “Boy, I’m glad I’m a man so I’ll never have to do that!”

Two weeks ago on that Monday following my burn out, Adam’s elbow started dripping bloody fluid from his rod insertion site.  We knew skin breakdown was a risk and after all the swelling went down his rod protruded so much he joked about having two elbows in that arm.  The skin covered it, but barely.  Now it spontaneously started dripping while he was doing school.  Thankfully, I couldn’t actually see the rod, just where the skin had broken down.  After covering it with clean gauze, I called the surgeon’s office, sort of expecting them to say we should come in that day.  An open access to the inside of a bone?  Not such a good idea.  Apparently though, since we couldn’t visualize the rod, it wasn’t an emergency.  They said they’d talk to the doctor and get back with me and by afternoon they called to let me know they were still trying to figure out who to shuffle but he was getting bumped up.  That night he accidently bumped it while brushing his teeth and it bled bright red.  We were all thrilled the next day to get a call with the words, “Can you have Adam at the OR Thursday morning at 6?

Suddenly we were cramming three days of school into one because I knew Adam was going to be in an enormous splint again, not to mention potentially tired and sore.  We skipped some review parts, but it still took us until four in the afternoon.  Adam ran the vacuum, Liam picked up toys and cleared the dishwasher, and I flew around cleaning up the messy kitchen and packing clothes.  After a quick supper and baths, the boys got into clean, warm pajamas and we loaded into the van with plans to spend the night at my mom’s house so we wouldn’t have to leave at three in the morning.  It was already dark and had been drizzling off and on all day.  I didn’t realize just how tired I was until I sat in the driver’s seat and David prayed for us before we left.

As I shifted into reverse Adam asked, “Why do I hear tears in your voice? You’re worried about my surgery, aren’t you?”

Instead of dissolving, the strength to pull it together one more time came out of nowhere and I decided this time not to brush it off.

“I am a little bit worried.  But mostly I’m exhausted.  You guys are, too, aren’t you?  We all worked really, really, really hard today doing school work and getting ready to go and now I’m just too tired and heading out for three hours on the road when it’s dark and rainy looks kind of overwhelming.  Do you remember how horrible we felt Monday morning when it was time to start school?  We were both dreading it like crazy but God gave me those verses about strength when I opened my Bible and it seemed they were just for us?”

{Monday morning I picked up my Bible too exhausted emotionally to read anything.  I begged God for a few words of life and randomly flipped it open.  There they were, already underlined for emphasis.  

Ps 27:13 I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

verse 14 Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart; wait I say on the Lord.

Life-giving words … for me in that moment and for the boys when I read them to them a few minutes later as we started school.}

Both boys nodded yes.

“Do you remember that we were so burned out it felt depressing just to do a normal week of school and be at home because we were all so tired of school and traveling and doing catch up school work?”

Again, they both said yes.

“And then remember how we prayed that God would give us strength for the week and just twenty minutes after we did, your elbow started bleeding and suddenly we knew we were going to have to cram school and do another trip?”

“Yeah,” came two little voices from behind me.

“But it went well, didn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“That was God’s gift to us.  Remember the other verse we talked about {Ps 28:7 The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him.} and how we thought God would help us to say that by the end of the week?  It does feel like that even with all this extra, right?”

The boys had been so incredibly hyper in the house just before we left but in those moments, there was an incredible calm in our van as they absorbed and discussed seeing God’s power in action in our own lives that week, not just in a Bible story.

Adam’s surgery was previously scheduled for Halloween, the day I hate being out.  I could only imagine the nightmares Liam would have that night after seeing all the ghost and goblin decor en route.  (Oddly, I needn’t have worried.  Western Maryland looks like a princess party compared to parts of Charlottesville when it comes to Halloween.) I wasn’t afraid, but I wasn’t thrilled about it either and the boys knew it.  Even without me asking them, they started naming their own God-gifts … Adam that we didn’t have to go on Halloween and Liam that God was letting us see so many deer along the road.   Funny how something that looks like a road-hazard to one person looks like a God-gift to another.

How could I hate road time when in that moment it felt almost sacred?

If only all the trips felt just like that as opposed to the hours when the noise escalates and escalates or we listen to the Brinkman Adventures for the two hundred seventh time or Liam starts desperately yelling, “My tummy doesn’t feel good,” as I grope around for the bucket.

To be honest, perhaps I’d agree with the article the other author was writing.  I bet the gist of the article is to slow down our lives instead of adding on lots of extras.  To make conscious choices that help us spend time with our children at home.  I don’t know because I haven’t had time to read it.  But sometimes, no matter how much control freak time management skills we possess in our genetics, we don’t get to choose our lifestyle.  Sometimes you just have to roll with the punches and redeem what you’re handed.  The part I still have to learn over and over again is that most times, taking charge of the punches has less to do with my ability to manage chaos than it has to do with being at rest inside my soul.  Not to mention, who gave children such a uncanny sixth sense about whether Mom is feeling calm or chaotic anyway?  So whether you’re out there driving in the carpool lane or stuck at home indefinitely without a vehicle and feeling like your children would benefit from a play date, I wish you a foundation of rest.

  {there is more than one way to practice spelling words}

Meanwhile, we’re heading out on yet another surgeon excursion tomorrow.  Tomorrow the post surgery cast comes off and we find out whether that stubborn little spot has calcified and he’s free or he gets another hard cast.  Redemptive moments or not, I’d be over the top delighted if the verdict would mean fewer day long road trips in the future.  Irregardless, we’re ready to make the best of it.

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