Burn Out
It’s Sunday evening and instead of feeling refreshed and ready to charge into a new week, I really just want to crawl under the covers and not emerge for days. I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t work. Running away might be more effective, but it would take too much energy.
I am burned out.
I thought we did crazy earlier this summer with all the mess that surrounded Adam’s broken arm. Actually we did. This is just more of the same. Six doctor’s appointments in one month between Adam and checking in on the baby-making project. Seriously? You would think someone was acutely ill. We’re not. Add ridiculous amounts of travel and the burnout all starts to make a little sense.
We were so excited about October 9th and getting to see our baby. I wanted to see all the healthy stuff, you know, four heart chambers, fingers and toes …. but we were shamelessly excited about the gender reveal. I felt absolutely giddy drinking that pumpkin spice latte to avoid any sleeping with your legs crossed shenanigans. And then there was the reality of fuzzy, fuzzy in-office ultrasound machines. Blurry pictures of a head, moving, moving, moving the probe to visualize the heart accurately, blurry pictures of the bladder and incredibly blurry pictures of the definitive parts. Yep, no guarantees on that one. The doctor said he thinks it’s a girl, but he certainly wouldn’t take out his life savings on it. Frankly, it looked completely non-definitive to me which could mean girl depending on what angle you were checking. But this? This was just non-descript. We walked out, incredibly grateful for a healthy baby, but still dying with suspense. I knew I was getting phenomenal ultrasounds with my obstetrician in Virginia, but I had no idea just how superior his equipment really was until I experienced this. Seriously, we used to watch blood flow through the heart, count fingers and toes instead of only ensuring there were arms and legs and see baby’s face in color well enough to see that Liam was going to resemble Adam! Thankfully, they offered to do a quick gender peek the next time I come in which is great. I just wonder if we’ll actually be able to see anything more the next time. Don’t tell me I’m going to have to keep guessing until February!
We barely got back to camp in time for the end of session party night. The next morning at 5, camp staff rolled out the lane on a big bus headed South for the annual conference. Conference is always over Labor Day Weekend, but since the boy’s camp in Florida was hosting this year, they postponed it until the October home visit to keep the Northerners from dying of heat stroke. Adam worked super hard on his school work before we went and did all five days work in three so that he wouldn’t have to take his books along. I was dreading the traveling with a passion. Liam gets carsick any time we travel in the morning and my mornings are still touch and go. Throwing up is never fun. Throwing up on a bus sounds like pure misery. Plus, I knew we couldn’t just stop to get food when the cravings demanded it.
But traveling on the bus as opposed to driving it by ourselves turned out to be a good thing in some ways. For one thing, we didn’t have to drive. This is enormous on a long trip, especially. The boys were so excited about traveling on the bus they woke up at 3:15 that morning, an hour earlier than needed! They didn’t need to sit in car seats which made traveling a breeze. Only once did I hear the question, “Are we almost there?” and I’m convinced not being buckled made all the difference in the world. They had all the snacks they could wish for, books to read, a new coloring book they loved, movies to watch, and people to talk to. Best of all, neither Liam or I threw up thanks to many, many people praying!
We overnighted in a small community in Georgia who completely outdid themselves in their hospitality. Seriously, their church had weekend meetings scheduled and they changed it so they could host our group. Not only did they host us overnight, they offered to serve us supper when we got there. I haven’t been away from normal Mennonite church life to forget just how busy those kinds of weekends are and I was blown away by their warmth and generosity! It was such a gift getting to talk with friends I haven’t seen in years and then to stay with the lovely Clarita overnight. I almost had to pinch myself as we drove in the lane to convince myself I was actually about to walk into the charming cottage I’ve admired so often on pictures! Pictures rarely do justice to a place and her house is no exception. But the one thing that pictures can’t tell you is what the atmosphere feels like in a home. Some things you just have to experience in order to know. Clarita’s house is so restful. Beautiful in so many ways, yes, but also infused with such a spirit of rest. It made me think a lot about our home. About me. Because you can’t have a restful home without being at rest in your own spirit. Being at rest doesn’t necessarily mean the absence of crazy demands on your day, but it does mean boundaries. That balance is something I constantly wrestle with. When does saying no mean I’m being selfish and when does it mean I’m looking out for our health and the emotional health of our family? When is too much really too much?
And then there was day two of traveling. It’s so obvious to say we were delighted to get there it feels redundant to say it the first time! Florida is so warm and beautiful and seeing camp in a completely different setting was so fascinating. Aren’t the thatch roofs absolutely charming? I told David I’m pretty sure we’re living at the wrong camp. He said that was up to God and I thought maybe I should start chatting with God about that. Then I heard about the alligators and the black swamp and the wierd amoeba that hangs out in the still water and causes a brain eating disease and got completely bitten up by the mosquitos and I thought I’d probably better get back on the bus for Maryland. I’ve always said there is no safer place than in the will of God, but I think maybe you’d want to be really sure it was God’s idea and not yours if you lived there!
Less than forty-eight hours later we were on the road toward home. Yep, you read that right. Seventy-two hours on a bus for less than forty-eight on location. It’s the name of the game. We drove straight through on the way home and arrived at our own house around 9 a.m. feeling like we’d just walked out of the spa. Not. Thankfully, the campers didn’t come back until Tuesday so David helped get things put away and the laundry started before the boys and I diligently plowed into our school work for the week and he went downstairs to work on the basement project. Less than twenty-four hours after we got home the laundry was done and the suitcases were re-packed and loaded as the boys and I headed to Virginia to see Adam’s surgeon. He also needed to see the orthodontist and I knew there was no way I could pull off six hours on the road and two doctor’s appointments after the long trip so we broke them into separate days and overnighted at my mom’s house where we got royally spoiled. The orthodontist gave us good news and said Adam’s mouth looks so much better and while he’ll need braces eventually we can wait and come back in a year. This is huge after hearing that he would probably need surgery. The surgeon on the other hand said pretty much the same thing they did last time. There’s a stubborn little spot in Adam’s ulna that is not meshing. Surgery to do the rod removal is scheduled for the end of the month and he’ll have to wear a splint for ten days. If it still hasn’t meshed, he has to go back into a cast for awhile. Who knew a broken arm could turn into a four month ordeal?
We returned home Wednesday night and Thursday night Adam saw David walk upstairs with a suitcase in hand. A look of absolute horror crossed his face and he said, “PLEASE don’t say the word, travel!” Luckily for him it was just David heading out for a two day job in DC! Meanwhile we stayed home and did school attempting to catch up for all the lost hours on the road. And did more school. And did more school. And more school until we were both completely burned out. I’m not sure which of us is dreading tomorrow morning’s Math lesson more. The spirit in our house isn’t restful tonight, it’s dread.
So whether or not you homeschool, I’m sure you’ve hit burnout on something ….. work, exercise, parenting, art, dieting, writing……whatever it is. What’s your go to for getting out of the funk? I will take any and all suggestions and the sooner the better.
Would it be possible to take a couple days off school and just rest? I know we are a little too flexible this year and I hope we don’t regret it, but there have been a few days that we skipped school just because it was too much for me, too much for Kierra.
I know it’s not always possible, but when I face burnout, it’s better just to eliminate as many things as possible… especially socially. And I am sure it’s hard for you to do that in your situation- trust me, we’ve been in situations where it was go go go non-stop for way too long and there was little to do about it. And it takes a resolve of steel and some stern words to the husband (don’t commit me/us to anything unless you talk to me first!!!) but sometimes there are a few things that we can say “no” to if we aren’t too proud to admit we just.can’t.do.it.
I don’t know. I am not the expert in avoiding burnout. I get there entirely too often and easily!!
You know, in my head, that feels like a good thing to do. But the problem is, camp interrupts school way so much … which is fine when it’s just camp. But that and all the doctor’s visits in conference have made it really difficult to stay on schedule and I really think we’re still recovering from the exhaustion of conference, too. Adam is going to need to be off for surgery and school will be so much harder in the days following with his arm immobilized. Plus, in the back of my head, I keep remembering a February baby and it feels like we should be working ahead, not falling behind. Otherwise we’ll do school through August and I’m not about to let that happen. It’s just a hard we’re going to have to find a way to get through.
Michelle, it’s good to hear your heart! It’s reality! Life will suck you dry. As far as getting out of a funk goes I guess there are different methods for different funks, huh? Depends what’s really going on inside a person.
A good thing for me is to get out my Bible, and go to the book of Job. Read it and especially concentrate on God and Job’s conversation, which by the end had Job saying,
“My ears had heard of you
but now my eyes have seen you.
Therefore I despise myself
and repent in dust and ashes.”
We need to get past just hearing God. “Seeing” God does amazing things for us! We get in touch with the truth of our life and what it means. We sang this morning in church (wish you could have been here for the weekend, but I’m thinkin’ you don’t need more driving!), “I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow, a wave tossed in the ocean, a vapor in the wind. Still you hear me when I’m calling. Lord, You catch me when I’m falling, and you’ve told me who I am. I am Yours.” Beautiful!!! You are His. And He deserves for you to be ALL His. Love you, my friend!!!
I wish TOO we could have been there. We’ve been talking about how it’s changed from “wanting to go back” to NEEDING to go back. David and I both just need that shot in the arm again. 🙂 Good thoughts on Job, too. Last night when I was thinking about it, I kept asking myself, is this spiritual because so many times that’s the root underlying it all. This week it doesn’t feel like that’s the problem because in a couple of ways I’ve felt so spiritually revived this week ……. but did you ever notice how stuff gets PHYSICALLY harder when that happens? That’s what feels like happened this week in a lot of ways. The last few days, especially have had some intense parenting moments and it feels like I can’t get ahold of whatever it is we’re all reaching for. But maybe that’s proof that it is more of a problem than I think ….. maybe I’m falling because I’m trying too hard to do it on my own …or solve the problem so we can get back to “normal.”
I would be burned out too with that schedule. I need “home time down time” to get me rejuvenated. Here’s to hoping you have the bestest of the best kinds of week!!
Thanks, Shannon!
I can just feel that burnout. Too much going and doing. Is there any way you could just chill out for a day or two and pretend that you are at the cabin or something? It seems like that should be one of the perks of homeschooling. Spend the day in your pj’s and read a book or two while sipping tea…. And hey, maybe the boys will wake up raring to go this morning!
It feels like we can’t (see my reply to Audrey), but maybe we should at least do school in a different place in the house. I’m pretty sure we’re all sick of seeing that school table! The downside of homeschooling is that when you take your child out of school, you help them stay caught up so they can re-enter. When you get home, you get to catchup on your own things. But when you homeschool, it’s relentless. Everyone comes back tired and there is an entire week of school facing you (which at our house takes priority) while the gazillion things wait on your attention. I think the worst part of this go-round is that both Adam and I are burned out at the same time. Usually when I hit a wall, he’s doing ok. When he hits a wall, I can conjure it up. This time, we’re tired of school (and probably tired of each other). 🙂 We did give ourselves a nice lazy morning on Saturday … but had to do school in the afternoon. This week is looking more normal so maybe we’ll get back on track!
School is for learning–not just for covering territory in textbooks. I think what I would do is take an entirely different tack with school work for a day or however long it takes to get some motivation back. For math, talk about the lesson, make sure your boys know how to do whatever is new, do a few sample problems, and tomorrow move on to the next lesson. You can certainly do something similar in all of the other lessons. If you have to keep a log, enter “oral lesson” in your log for each subject. As Lydia Jo said, homeschooling should have some perks, and this is one of them. I often said to myself and say it to others, “The task is ‘homeschooling’–not having school at home.” One thing that means to me is that home life comes first, and school has to fit around that.
We loved having you here!! I’m so glad you all came through on your way, we were delighted to have you stay with us! And you are too kind, but I’m so thankful if you felt that restful spirit. That is one of the biggest things I long for in my home – that it would be a place of rest for my family and for people who enter. God is so good to keep working in me, because it’s not always like that!!
And whew, now I’m exhausted for you!! You have had SO much going on, and WILL have. That’s so hard. For me, I was always burned out WAY faster when I was pregnant. I wasn’t a moody pregnant woman (thanking God I didn’t ever struggle with that), but I got overwhelmed much much faster when I was pregnant than other times. I think part of it is God just saying, “It’s okay, you’re allowed to say it’s too much!” But then it’s frustrating when you feel like you CAN’T say no and you have no choice but to still be busy. 🙁
I read this post by Sally Clarkson the other day and it was SO SPOT ON for the exhaustion and endless busy cycle that we’ve been on. I tend to be like, “ONE DAY!!!!!! life will calm down and I can relax again.” And she was approaching it from the perspective of making rest a part of even very busy days. I LOVED it, and it has helped me SO much. http://www.itakejoy.com/keeping-sabbath-rest-in-our-daily-lives/
Here’s praying for a bit of rest and a joy surprise today!
xo
Michelle! I loved the pictures of conference and hearing a little about the trip. I am so very jealous that I had to miss this trip. I hope you start feeling better about life in the very near future!
Michelle-
Bless you! I see how you need to stay ahead. And where you are coming from with probably needing to cover everything in those books. I chain myself to them sometimes…
But on those days that I am so burned out, I’ll write something like this on the chalkboard: Relaxation and Relationships Day. And only the have-to’s get done. We eat, read, laugh, and do something other than stress our brains further. Or, I announce that we are having a field trip today- something simple like lunch at the park, walking through the woods, or a museum. Or we just do a bunch of science projects (simple, fun ones) and I take notes with my camera!
May God give you all the wisdom you ask for!
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