Can I Yell?
We saw Liam’s surgeon again this afternoon.
I’d been dreading going in. It felt like every time we heard anything we just heard more horrific news. But as the morning passed I had a chance to pray and talk to God. The words that kept coming to me were these, “Even though I walk through fire, I won’t be burned….” It is always so incredible to me to think of the story of Shadrack, Meshack, and Abednego in the fire. Before, I was always mesmerized by the way Jesus came down and was with them, too, and the way they weren’t burned even though the people throwing them into the fire fell over dead from getting so close to the heat. Now with Liam’s story when these words come to me, the part of the story that comes to my memory first is the way they didn’t even smell of smoke. These days feel like a raging fire some days. But no matter what, in the end, our spirits will stand with Jesus, smoke free.
Time seems to stand still at the hospital here and I’m slowly learning not to plan anything according to appointment time. Supposedly he would have an Xray at 1:30, wheel up to 9 to see oncology about the new chemo plan, and then back down to see the surgeon at 3:45. I expected to be home at least by 5. Instead we got the X ray, headed to 9 and sat there until 3:40. Luckily a friend we met here who is about two months ahead of Liam in the same journey was here and we got to talk with them part of the time.
The isolation of Covid extends far futher than just not being allowed siblings or even two parents in the hospital. It means that so many of the things typcially in place are gone. Instead of going to the playroom and meeting other kids, you stay in your room except for short walks in the hallway. This kid’s mom reached out to me before we came via one of the cancer facebook groups and their presence has been a gift from God! She and I text each other tips and support. No one gets it quite like another mom whose child is fighting the same cancer and same surgery technique. We don’t have to explain much to understand all that is going through the other person’s head. But we also get to encourage each other and speak life and truth and trust in God to each other, especially in the hard questions. I have no doubt we’ll be friends for life. And oh how I pray our boys budding friendship gets to see longevity here on earth.
We finally headed down for our surgeon appointment and told them we’d come back afterward. When we got there, they said he was running three hours behind so we headed back up to oncology to wait some more. Finally we were seen, signed papers, got our Covid swabs, and headed downstairs to wait some more.
A few minutes before eight p.m. we finally got to see the surgeon. I have no idea how in the world they maintain this kind of schedule. It’s not fun to wait so long, but we were just sitting and waiting. That is an incredibly long work day. They were super pleased with the way his wound is healing and said we’d start chemo the next morning.
I asked if they had a pathology report from the second surgery yet and he said, “only verbally, but it’s good so far.”
I said, “Oh my goodness! Can I yell?!!!!!”
He is so polite, formal, and thoughtful. But he smiled and said, “sure.”
I pumped my fist in the air and loudly said, “YES!!!!!!! Oh, this makes me want to do the mama dance.”
Liam just shook his head and said, “Please don’t.”
“This is just like business. It’s not official until it’s in writing.”
“I know. But I’ll take verbal good news.”
He did what he needed to about the wound, gave us advice for ongoing, and started to leave the room. Then he half turned, looked at me, and said, “You can yell again if you want to.”
“WooHoo!” I said for good measure. Apparently most mamas have more self control than I do. 😉 But this is such good news I want to shout it from the Manhattan skyline. Do I wish it would have happened the first time? Yes. They always try to take the tumor out completely without touching any of the malignant cells. Breaking the line inside means spilling tumor cells. That’s why some people are frustrated with biopsies because you always risk spreading the tumor. But I would much rather all microscopically visible cells be removed in a second sugery right away than to leave some behind and give them time to regrow, especially with such a poor chemo response.
We finally got home at 8:30 …. suddenly needing to pack for a five day admission the next morning.
Praise You Jesus! Do what you are famous for in sweet Liam’s body & life.
Yes and amen!