Friday February 18, 2011
For how long is depression a normal part of grieving and when do I need to do something about it?
I wish I would have died.
I feel like a corpse that moves.
I don’t even know how to describe it. I don’t feel sad. Or mad. Or anything. I just feel like nothing.
I tell my body to move and it obeys and that’s about it. When I think I’m going to cry, I don’t. Then suddenly I’m standing there sobbing and I have no idea why. I don’t want to do anything. I don’t want to eat. I don’t want to leave the house. I don’t want to do anything but lie on the couch.
Is this just a hormone wash? Is this me not being able to resolve the news I got on Friday? Is this a normal stage and I”ll be ok again soon? The boys are starting to reach their limits of endurance for a mom who is there, but isn’t and who cries all the time. I feel guilty. But completely powerless to do anything about it.
I cannot get it pulled together.