Friday October 16, 2009
If you are a typical stay at home mom, do you ever sort of squirm when someone casually asks you, “Do you have a job?” or even better, “So, are you still working?”
It happens to me. Sometimes randomly when I meet someone new and we’re in that getting acquainted stage. Or the time I ran into one of my favorite nursing professors. Or just whenever I run into someone I haven’t seen in ages.
I always squash down the little chuckle that is determined to get out and politely shake my head and say slowly, “No, I’m at home with the boys.”
I have incredible respect for Mom’s who are also able to hold a job and for those who choose not to do so. It’s a matter of personal choice and I’m fine with leaving it at that. But “do you work?” is a really odd way of differentiating between the two if you ask me.
Take this week for example (It’s an exceptionally bad one so I’m definitely using it to make a point. Believe me when I say I work but I do not always have to work this hard!). On Monday I ran six loads of laundry through the washer, picked up around the house … you know the typical after-weekend mess. We’d just come through a week of revival meetings at church and I think we were all tired physically. Clipped and filed the coupons from the Sunday paper. My mom was trying to choose a carpet sample for their house and decided to bring it over to compare with what we have. She brought subs for lunch and played with the boys and we all got a yummy break in the middle of the day because of it. That night I was up until nearly midnight trying to be successful making pumpkin rolls for the school hot lunch I was in charge of the next day. (We serve hot lunch at our church school the same day the ladies sewing day gets held. That means four women plan and make lunch for anywhere up to 80 or 90 people.) My first batch flopped so I had to make three instead of two. Tuesday I loaded up the boys, four pumpkin rolls, and 4 gallons of green beans dripping with brown butter and mushrooms and headed for school to meet the rest of my group. Arrived home at 3, tucked Liam into bed, talked with my book publisher for the next forty minutes and then had twenty minutes left to shower and get out the door for a photo session. David kept the boys and I headed to my friend Janelle’s house to hang out for a few hours. On Wednesday, we got together with David’s family to butcher 150 chickens. NOT a fun job and it was freezing cold outside; but it is absolutely wonderful to have a freezer stocked with hormone and antibiotic-free chicken again. And luckily I only had to take the tea and paper products for my part of the lunch. Yesterday Liam was finally acting completely normal again since the horrible food reaction he had Saturday. He played and played and ate and slept and smiled happy smiles. I did another seven loads of laundry (no, we don’t wear THAT many clothes in three days but I did all the bed linens and our jackets from Wednesday and Liam’s clothes still have to be washed separately), cleaned the house and restored order and placed a photo order. Whew!
Today is a vacation day. It’s dreary out and just delicious inside. And I am not working. Not one little bit. That’s the nicest thing about “not working.” You can choose when you don’t work and when you really truly don’t work.
But let me guess. You don’t work either?
I’m kind of thinking the next time someone says, “So, do you work?” I’m going to say, “Yes, I do. I just don’t get paid anymore.” 
Your last line is my standard answer!
Love the last line! And going to file it away in my brain for the next time, I need to answer that question. 🙂
And, you know? Sticky kisses and tight little hugs are the best pay anyway. 🙂
That’s right, you do work! Thanks for being nice about me coming. I went on a guilt trip when I got home because I totally forgot you had to make pumpkin rolls. Remind me next time! Guess my little brain had too much to think about just then. Love you! -mom
Love your answer! I think I might take it too. Or you could say ‘I work at home, am an author, photographer AND take care of a house and family.’
Your days sound like a whole lot more work than some 9-5 job at a toll booth or something. Somebody’s gotta do the Mom routine and I volunteered, so I guess I better get back to it:)
Love your answer.
People ask me sometimes if my wife works and I always reply, “Yes, she takes care of our kids.” Being at home and running a house is definately a “job”.
gotta love it! i’ve seen the numbers before on what a salary could look like for a mom, and it’s outrageous! yet, we do it for…the sheer pleasure and satisfaction of knowing there is nothing more fulfilling and ETERNALLY rewarding.
hope your weekend is calm and enjoyable! 🙂
Love the post! I’m so glad that you got to “have off” today, or I’d be feeling very guilty about tomorrow! Here’s hoping that these butterflies in my stomach won’t keep me from sleeping tonight. 😉
Absolutely right!! The work is *never* done at this house! Since I was 34 when we got married, I thought I was very ready to be a stay at home wife/mother. I had no idea….!?! I can’t believe how easy my life was when I worked away, and wasn’t the “lady of the house” with the zillion responsibilities of keeping house! I am definitely on a quest/search for finding true “joy” in the mundane – day after day! I WILL get there!!
P.S. I think I will design my own calling card with official job description to whip out and hand the people who ask about my job!! Seriously!
Coming from a “working” mom, I sometimes envy those moms that get to stay home day after day with their kids. Maybe we could switch for a day? 🙂 I enjoy the working part to get out and interact with other adults, but I love my day off to be at home just with my little boy. Sometimes I feel like my house is a tornado, because of working and not getting everything done, but somehow eventually it does get cleaned! Every mom is a “working” mom, just in different a different way.
Would,”I volunteer for a non profit organization”, work?
Honestly few people ever ask me that, pri because I wasn’t anything important before I got married. 🙂 Working at home has been a joy, but we all get weary. In the back of our mind I think we all have dreams of what can be later, and it helps us be thankful for now. Like we can take a day off (other then caring for the children) without asking anyone. How nice is that?! We take lunch breaks whenever…and even can take a snooze without getting in trouble. 😉
Heres to mom’s! “kachig”
I really like the last line. Being a stay-at-home mom is not an easy job. Kudos for all of the women who keep their sanity while doing it (and for those who don’t, too.
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Indeed! I just returned back to work. But I was a SAHM for about 8 years before that. Kudos to you guys!
I just posted a youtube song to my facebook because of this post!!! Have a listen if ya find the time!!
your post reminded me of this quote…
Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs… since the payment is pure love.— Mildred B. Vermont
Hope you’re having a restful weekend!
oh my….this week has sure been a “working” one for me, too! =) I always think what in the world would they do without us????? =)
When I started reading your post, I was actually thinking the same question you were thinking “Why do people ask, Do you Work?” Because even if you are at home, you are still working. There are some things that are easier about staying home and some things that are easier about being away. I agree that it is a personal choice and everyone has to find their right balance. For me, the struggle has been to not always think the grass was greener on the other side of the fence.
Love your answer!