Friday October 23, 2009
I want to write. I’ve been wanting to write for such a long time and now I can’t decide whether to spew out many little posts (or not so little) on different subjects or just to make one tremendously long post that will lose everyone with sheer boredom long, long before the end. I wonder if I could find another way to use the word “long” in this paragraph?
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Two weeks ago we took the boys to Carters Mountain for their apple festival. After hearing reports that the place was jam packed and everything from parking to using the restroom was difficult, we decided to be up there when they opened. We drove in five minutes early and were far from being the first ones there. When we left two hours later, the place was flooded.
I’ve never been to an orchard before. We always buy our fruit when someone else in church makes a run and offers to pick up for anyone else who wants some. The trees were just loaded and Adam could easily reach the lower ones from the ground. I think he thought picking the top ones more fun! He badly wanted to climb the trees instead of piggybacking. Liam picked up soft apples from the ground and dumped them into the little bucket I took along; but mostly he just ate apple. From bite number one, he was hooked. He would not relinquish that apple even after it dropped to the ground a time or two. It went with him on the hay ride and he chomped away while the rest of us enjoyed apple cider donuts. The funniest part of it all is that he never liked apples when I gave them to him at home and now he refuses to eat them since we’re home. Apparently it’s the mountain air.
I really wanted to try eating in town for lunch. We haven’t been out since Liam was diagnosed with his multiple allergies. I wanted a break; but more then that I wanted to know that we had options for times when we are on the road and gone over mealtime. We tried chipotles since most people recommend Mexican type places to avoid wheat and dairy. Their allergy card disappointed me terribly. Everything is positive for soy. Still, it looked like it was mostly due to soybean oil and, not having many other options, we decided to risk it. Bad move. He threw up repeatedly that afternoon, couldn’t sleep, fussed about life in general, ran on high speed until late that night and didn’t settle down to his normal for several days. So we’re still looking.
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Almost since my earliest days of xanga I’ve been subscribed to Jo from Pennsylvania. I can’t remember where or how I found her; but I loved hearing her heart. She was mom to two little boys not much older then Adam so I could relate easily to where she was in life. But it was more then that, too. I loved the way she pursued God and lived life with purpose. Not long after we met again on an infertility forum since both of us were dealing with secondary infertility. Move ahead about two more years and we both had babies! Of all the friends I’ve made online, Jo is one of two I’ve most wanted to also meet in person. Last Saturday her family came to Virginia to visit family and Jo spent part of the morning at my house! It was just wonderful! She is just as beautiful and fun and happy in real life as she is online. When she left I kept chattering excitedly to David and when I said something for the umpteenth time about how much fun that was he said, “I can tell. You’re pretty hyper.” Thanks so much, Jo! I hope it’s only the beginning.
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On Sunday David and I left very early for a trip to TN for his grandfather’s funeral. We dropped the boys off at my mom’s house since it looked herculean to work around Liam’s food issues enroute. It was indescribable to have so much talk time! We talked for hours without interruption, stopped to eat at Macaroni Grill and enjoyed ooey gooey pasta with no substitutes, and thoroughly enjoyed the trip.
David’s grandpa left a big impression on a lot of people. They remember him as a man who loved God and chose to do the right thing … and as a man with a great sense of humor. His favorite line when asked about his welfare was, “fat and sassy.” One man related the phone conversation he’d had with him earlier. He asked Grandpa what he’s been doing lately and Grandpa said, “Taking care of old people.” The man was a bit confused momentarily … I mean Grandpa was so old himself and he was doing what? Respite care? Rest home? Grandpa cleared all the confusion easily. “I take care of her. She takes care of me. We’re old people, you know.”
When I was younger I couldn’t figure out why at funerals people seemed to talk and laugh and have a good time. I assumed everyone was supposed to be sad and grieving all the time. You know, like maybe it was disrespectful or something. I remember my mom telling me that a funeral is the last gift someone gives to their family. And it’s true. We just had a family reunion in July, yet in his death, Grandpa gave us the gift of a moment of time together again ~ even if we are scattered from Ohio and Pennsylvania to Texas, El Salvador, and Kenya.
I’ve been at funerals where it was unbearably sad. Like when my friend from college died in a car accident. Or when another friend lost a three year old to cancer. Or a 17 year old from church drowned while swimming with friends. Or my uncle died in his forties and his youngest son was too little to ever remember him. Tragic. Not because they died and went to heaven; but because their families and friends are left with such unspeakable, shocking loss. There is something beautiful (in a sad kind of way) about death when someone has lived a long, rich, full life and transitions to living in heaven. Ever since my Grandpa died in August (and because of a few other things) I’ve been thinking about death a lot. I’m still processing it. I tried to talk to David about it; but I don’t think he got what I was trying to say so I’ll process a little longer before I dare write about it. Speaking of Mennonite culture, what do you think about the traditions surrounding the way our funerals / burials are conducted?
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Virginia may be technically considered southern; but it is not true South. In true Mennonite fashion, people offered lodging in their homes for family and friends who came to the funeral. The lady we were assigned to stay with wasn’t home when we stopped to change clothes prior to the evening visiting hours. Her next door neighbor, who certainly did not know us and was not in any way connected to the funeral or even the church where it was held, threw her doors and arms wide open and told us to come in and use her house. She profusely offered everything from separate changing areas for us (thanks, but no thanks!) to a place to stay for the night. Never would that happen in Virginia … or at least not with that tone of voice!
Would you believe that night when we got back to Ellen’s house, she still was not at home. No note on the door, nothing. Had we known her or at least spoken to her personally, we may have gone in and gotten comfortable. But this was just too presumptious. We called two hotels in town. One we’d looked at online earlier and the other about the same distance away in the other direction. The second one had no non-smoking rooms available aside from their honeymoon suite so they offered that to us at their bereavement rate. King size bed. Jacuzzi. Lots of pillows. We were thrilled. 
It saved our communication breach plus some. I really appreciate the whole concept of hospitality that is so much a part of Mennonite culture. But I also thought that since we didn’t have the boys it would be a great time to get a hotel and be just us without having to get up and make small talk with someone we don’t know the next morning. You know, I just wanted to sleep as late as we dared, grab some food, and not have to answer to anyone else’s schedule but our own… just for one night. So before we left, I kind of hinted around about that, showed David the hotel online that looked nice, that kind of thing. He totally did not get the hint and said, “Well, that’s $70 bucks we don’t have to spend.” When we were nearly in TN he finally thought about this “no boys along aspect” himself and said, “You know, I’m kind of wishing we’d have gotten a hotel after all.” I was like, yeah, well, that’s why I was hinting.
“Hinting?” he said. “Sweetie, you need to say what you’re thinking. You know if you’d just have said, ‘it would really mean a lot to me if we could get a hotel since we don’t have the boys and just have some time to ourselves,’ I would have gotten it.”
Ok, but I’m trying not to put pressure on you because every time I say something like that you do it (and please don’t change that!) but it makes me think twice before asking something pretty specifically so you don’t feel like you have to do that. So I hint and think that you’ll get it without thinking you have to do it. But apparently it’s not working. Maybe one of these years we’ll actually learn how to read each other’s minds. Or maybe we’ll just talk each other’s language.
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Seriously exposing my technical ignorance here; but why can I not do anything besides boring on xanga with safari? I can’t change font styles or size, colors, move pictures, tab the beginnings of paragraphs, NOTHING. Posting pictures is tedious process. Is there something I’m missing? It makes me feel like complaining every single time.
you have the most adorable little boy ***ever*** :3
totally enjoyed your post. your writing never bores me. you could write paragraph after paragraph. i can’t relate at all to your allergy issues and find myself wondering if I would be selfish to pray that I never have to. you have my sympathies.
Good for you, on getting away and so happy you got the desire of your heart for a hotel! I’ve been dreaming about getting away, just so I can stay up late knowing no one will wake me up too early 😉 Here’s praying Liam’s allergies are healed and you can put this chapter of your life behind you, that has got to be so terribly stressful! So fun to meet a xanga friend isn’t it? Just opens up a whole new world of interesting friends, which I dearly love. Have a delightful wk. end~
I’d like to hear more of your thoughts on death. Been thinking about it a lot as well with having two @ our church in a month’s time…. grandmother’s that had lived full lives and were wanting to meet their maker. The services were more a celebration of their lives then anything else.. so beautiful. As far as Mennonite ways of doing funeral’s… i’m really exposing myself here, but, I think we have been given a great gift of having a brotherhood that comes to the families aid immediately and so taken care of during those hard days of laying your loved one to rest. Our church works with a funeral home from town and they cannot get over how beautiful our services are and the way we care and support AND even the way we all take turns using the shovels to fill the grave. It’s been so touching to them… and something we can take so for granted. So much more I could say… Menn. don’t have it right in everything… this is one I think we do.
I had to laugh reading what you wrote about the whole “hinting” issue!! If I hadn’t known better, I’da tho’t you were a mouse at our house for a time… that is soooo us!!! =) I’m with you, too, I hope he always is such a kind, giving person, your husband and mine! I truly feel blessed and I know you do too! Happy for you! 🙂
Enjoyed the post…. we took the kids apple picking and they loved it too, I think it’s gonna be an annual thing for us. About the funerals the menn way, I’ll be watching for that post so keep processing:D.
Loved your post!!
I agree with you, Jo is so much fun to spend time with! 🙂 Your two little ones look so cute together.
Funerals…. When my grandma died 9 years ago it was a terrible shock and a sad funeral. Grandpa died 3 years after that and he had had alzheimers for 7 years. I remember someone saying that they thought it sounded more like a reunion then a funeral at the calling hours for him. And it was, we were sad, but oh so happy for him too! So far I’m with you on this, keep thinking and writing.
And the whole hinting thing… that’s us too. What’s with us women that we don’t just spell it out to them? But really why do they need it spelled out? Hum.. this male and female thing going on again I think!
you and jo have beautiful babies!
As always, I enjoy reading your post….and seeing your lovely pics too!
Liam and his continuing allergies…that has to be sooo challenging! There are so many aspects that I’m sure I never think of – like the traveling/eating thing! Bless you and may our loving Father continue to give you His gace for the moment!!
You and Jo….That’s so neat how you connected with each other! Darling babies you have!!!
Couple alone time/hotel… aaaaahhh, how sweet the thought! We just did an overnight anniversary get-away….blissful/heavenly. It’s funny how in a mere 24 hours I was sooo ready to see our children again then. A little quality alone time does wonders for me, and I think the whole family benefits!! =)
Hinting…I can totally identify! Except my reason’s aren’t always as pure as yours. Sometimes I just want him to be the one to suggest something like that! It’s very special for me when he (on his own) suggests things like the hotel. But, just like your man, mine loves when I just spit it out and tell it plainly….’cuz he just plum doesn’t think of so many things like I do. (why did God wire our brains soooo different??!) It does make me feel good to know that he actually wants my “wisdom”! ha ha! Then when he tops it off with “that was good thinking, honey” it really makes it okay. —I don’t know if I’m making sense or not?
Mennonites and funerals… My thoughts are very similar to singingrachel’s! So, I won’t be redunant.
Thanks for sharing Michelle. Have a most refreshing weekend!
Love the post, I’m there with the hinting thing to:))
@nepenthium –
aww, thanks! We think so too but we’re obviously pretty prejudiced.
@damys –
Nope that’s not selfish, that’s called looking out for your child. 😉 Honestly, I’m already praying that if we have another baby we don’t have to do this again.
@clearlyhis –
that does make sense!
I enjoyed your post..like always! I think my big struggle with the Menn. culture for funerals is the evening before “wake” and the no flowers at the funeral policy. I also would prefer having sweet instrumental music playing softly at my funeral as people walk through…..the food and meeting physical needs is a good cultural thing, but sometimes other important things are overlooked.
The communication thing sounds so familiar! We weren’t married long before I was told by my husband that he is not and will never be a mind reader. And I learned quickly that I can pout and fume all I want but it’s not his style to ask me if somethings bothering me…so I might as well get it said in plain English myself.
I’m wondering if your hostess-to-be was Menn.?? Guess I’m just a bit too curious! But my policy is, if I haven’t personally talked with my expected guests, and told them to walk in and make themselves at home, that I might not be there when they come, I do leave a note on the door!
Anyway, I also prefer staying at a motel instead of some one’s crowded house, and able to keep whatever schedule we prefer!
No, not boring, ever. I admired these pictures on facebook, and that bag/purse, wow, I even told my sister about it today when we were discussing purses at a conference with 200 women…purses, yes, lot’s of them! Anyway, I love it. You look classy walking the orchard path, not everyone can pull that off, you know? anyway…..
Your experience with food, agh, it must get SO old for you. I sure hope for his sake and yours that he out grows it…soon.
As for funerals, I think I know.
Really enjoyed your post! I find myself in this same dilemma. I have so many posts to write…do I want to make a long run-on one, or do I want to split it up into separate posts? So, I’ve been doing a post like every 2 days. I totally get that thing about the communication…Jeremy and I have had the same thing happen often. I am learning more over time to just say what I want and then make sure he knows that it is up to him to make the final decision…and then be OK with that. That’s the hard part for me sometimes. I think it is super cool that you met up with a Xanga friend. I have some that I would totally like to meet one day…if I get a chance. (That goes for you too…if you ever venture this far north.) It struck me that you have been to quite a few funerals in your life. The only person close to me who has ever died was my Grandmother. But I imagine as I get older funerals will become more common in my life, sad to say. Anyway…keep writing. I’ll keep reading!
you bore someone? i can’t see that happening ANYTIME soon! laughed at the comment about you being hyper. i haven’t read her blog before, but she just got a new fan, because i am sure if you like her, i would too!
you totally deserved the night in the motel. so glad it worked out.
@RallyJan –
Yeah, Jan, she was Mennonite. I just keep hoping she didn’t stay up late waiting on us. 😛
@seekinHISwisdom –
Is that not the cutest bag? I use it to drag my camera around b/c I haven’t been able to bring myself to spend the money on a real one. Plus, it’s easier to carry. And there’s plenty of room for my wallet and a few other tiny essentials.
@mlt10202002 –
I guess you know by now you’re the other one of the top two long time xanga friends I want to meet. So please don’t be shy and I”ll try not to talk a million miles a minute like I do when I get nervous …. assuming you ever come S or I ever go N.
I love the Liam stories such as setting the table and being so loyal to the apple because they remind me so much of Lawrence at that age. I love, love, love one-year-old boys but I feel as though I missed out on part of him because I was so busy taking care of the girls at that stage. I look with goggle eyes at other little one-year-old boys and once in a while squeeze them tightly–partly pretending it’s Lawrence and filling that void and partly to give to other mothers of these boys because people gave so much to me by loving him dearly when I couldn’t reach around like I always dreamed of doing.
@lwstutz –
I want to know what you don’t like about the evening before “wake?” Care to share?