God of All My Days
14. September. Monday.
Someone messaged me on Instagram and said she doesn’t know why, but David and I were impressed on her mind so strongly when she read these verses.
After forty days of deprivation and temptation in the wilderness, Jesus returned home. Luke tells us that after an immense time of testing and isolation Jesus made his way home to Galilee, “filled with the power of the spirit.” Up until that time, Jesus had just been an ordinary member of the small community of about two hundred people in the village of Nazareth. However, he was beginning to gain a great reputation throughout the whole district as news about him spread throughout the countryside. Luke 4:14
I would have liked to think that our deprivation was about over, but I had a hunch it was about to begin.
That afternoon I called UPENN about getting to see a particular surgeon there. It was a no go because of insurance, but they said she also has practicing privileges at CHOP. When I called them, they said no we can’t do it. “Ok, then put us down as self pay I said.” We can’t do that because you have it. It’s against hospital policy.”
COMPLETE BRICK WALL.
15. September. Tuesday
Today I am not okay. I can’t stop crying.
16. September. Wednesday
Steadfast love and faithfulness meet, righteousness and peace kiss each other. Faithfulness springs up from the ground and righteousness looks down from the sky. Yes, the Lord will give what is good, and our land will yield its increase. Righteousness will go before him and make his footsteps a way. Psalm 85:10-13
Steadfast love — my word for 2020
Faithfulness — What God is asking of me now
meeting together to form righteousness.
Oh, God, please give what is good.
17. September. Thursday
So many prayers answered. Liam’s liver enzymes are still so high, but they’re less than ten times normal so we can proceed with methotrexate. His oncologist thinks it was just time. I think it’s time plus detox baths plus organic food plus stopping all supplements metabolized by the liver plus tons of parsley and cilantro plus prayer.
18. September. Friday
Liam got his methotrexate, but as expected, his liver enzymes skyrocketed again. He’s feeling so rough.
19. September. Saturday
I talked to someone who helps with alternative treatments. I thought I was getting a metro map of how to metabolically starve osteosarcoma and instead she believes you kill cancer by only using super high doses of THC. I got a very bad gut feeling and even while we were still on the phone I heard God calling me back to himself.
Over and over he calls me back from going after “experts” and draws me back to pursuing Him as healer. It’s so hard for me.
I fully believe that God has given us minds to think and reason and He is glorified in that. But in this particular case, I keep hearing him asking me to pray for a miracle. To trust him.
When I’m most at peace, I feel he is going to do something miraculous, yet my mind keeps being drawn toward researching everything possible. Many times I feel peace even in that, but as soon as I cross the line toward making the research key, He stops me in my tracks. I can’t help but remember how much it feels as though so much of Liam’s battle is spiritual. Oh how I long for people to gather with us in prayer against that darkness.
But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.
Turn to me and be gracious to me, give your stregnth to your servant, and save the son of your maidservant,
Show me signs of your favor, that those who hate me may see and be put to shame because you, Lord, have helped me and comforted me. Psalm 86:1-7