He is a Giver of Life

One of the big challenges of my life is being mom to three little people while going through this. That’s a job in itself. Add ongoing unrest, all the time away from home, extra (sometimes unfamiliar) caregivers and it becomes a super stretch.

In order to keep from buckling, I have to stay grounded in the Word — yet there is hardly ever uninterrupted time until David comes or Liam is admitted and then I get pockets.

I know that God’s grace and mercy extends and covers me in between. He is not a task master, but rather a life giver. The more I spend time with Him, the more my heart settles and my soul comes to rest.

It is an odd thing that the hardest things can cause us to see how very much God loves us and see us.

There are days when I get glimpses of the darkness. Of the terrifying forces of evil warring in this broken world. Days I feel overwhelmed with fear and hopelessness. And there are days when I can feel the truth that we walk this road beneath the cupped hand of God our Father. I say with David the Shepherd, “Yeah, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. For you are with me.”

There are days of pain, vomiting, suffering, tears, and meltdowns from the little ones. But then, too, there are days when I hear laughter from shared jokes, a tangible, underlying sense of rest and sustenance within our apartment and I know the truth of, “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.”

I find myself toppling over the edge over one small, insignificant thing … stifling sighs of weariness when Liam suddenly realizes he needs to pee just after we went through all the work of getting him positioned out of his brace and into his CPM and got all five pillows in just the right places. Other times I catch myself genuinely thanking God from the bottom of my heart for things in praise that can only be generated by Him. Thanksgiving prayers for results we are hoping to see. Thanks for sunshine when it’s twenty three degrees with a frigid wind. Thanks for a God who loves us so much. A feeling of being humbled and honored at being allowed to walk beside Liam in this story that is clearly telling the presence of God.

I am human.

I am also learning more of what it means to move and live from the supernatural power of God.

This fire is painful. But it is also revealing areas of where I need to lean in and learn about deeper levels of selflessness, dependence and trust in God, and deeper knowledge of what it means to live loved by God.

“You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book? This I know, that God is for me. In God, whose word I praise, in the LORD, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.

“I will render thank offerings to you. For you have delivered my sould from death, yes, my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of life. Psalm 56:8-13 1-30

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