Monday in my Soul
I felt so low today. I didn’t even want to have our weekly prayer and praise meeting. I didn’t know if I could even pray.
Only Justin and Naomi showed up and I felt relieved that no one else would see my fragility. Justin prayed that David and my faith would not grow weak. David prayed for our faith. I prayed that I could see God and His ability instead of the impossible circumstances. I felt so hopeless.
The fight to get insurance clearance for surgical consult was ridiculous. I spent hours and hours and hours and hours and hours on the phone with them trying to find someone who could make it happen, trying to expedite things. CHOP told us they were filing a complaint because of how difficult they were being. Our oncologist told us it was the messiest process she’d seen in ten years. I didn’t have time for any of it, much less this kind of fight. The time I should have been able to spend with our kids or taking a walk to clear my head was spent sitting in a quiet corner trying to talk humanity into a people group who had lost touch with their heart and had absolutely no organizational skills.
But I hadn’t only lost hope about surgery. I’d lost hope about his chance to live.
That night Naomi handed me a gift bag to take upstairs when I took two crying little ones into the house. Inside was a waymaker tshirt and a mug. I’d been wanting that shirt but just hadn’t purchased it.
The next morning my friend, Jennie, messaged me and said the song, “Waymaker,” keeps coming back to her for us right then. This is what God has done over and over when I hit a low or am getting ready to walk into an extra hard thing with Liam. He sends two people with the same song or Bible verse so that I know the message is truly from Him.
When I told Naomi she said, “I ordered that shirt for you awhile ago, but I wasn’t sure if you even wear that kind of shirt. I felt like I was supposed to wait to give it to you until the time was right. And the mug was the same way. I got someone local to design and make it for you because I remembered what you said about the butterfly, but again, I didn’t feel like I was supposed to give it until the time was right.
Last night I felt like I was supposed to give you both.