Monday October 18, 2010
It’s one of those high octane domestic Mondays. I love them. Never dreamed I would love Mondays so much; but next to Saturday, they are often my favorite day of the week. We are tanked up on daddy love and ready to go again. Today was a dreamy Monday. I looked around the house at 9 and just drank it in: a cleaned up house, the washer spinning on the third load, a pumpkin scented candle flickering, homemade granola in the oven and high fiber bars cooling on the counter, story time with Liam. And now a few hours later, the pile of ironing has diminished into nonexistence and the boys’ clothes are waiting to be washed the minute Adam takes off his school uniform. Sometimes it struggles to have only two sets of school clothes. Mmmm, num, num I love Mondays.
Last week turned out to be the kind nightmares are made of. Things were going pretty well until the fender bender on Wednesday, but when I started losing all that time to insurance calls and body shop estimate visits, well, my quality of life degenerated. It did not help that Adam was getting pokier and pokier and pokier and pokier at getting ready for school. On Tuesday when we all needed to be out the door at 7:45 because I was making jam and doing the morning school run, I sent him upstairs to brush his teeth. When I went up to check on him ten minutes later he was sitting on the bed with his pants on the floor.
“Adam, what in the world are you doing?” There was, unfortunately, not even an inch of sweetness in my voice. A flicker of recognition crossed his face as he said, “Oh, I was thinking you said to change my clothes.”
On Friday it took him F O R T Y minutes to get dressed. You read that right. I was tired of the nagging. He raced through breakfast, I combed his hair while his ride waited, and he never did get his teeth brushed. I called David and had a blow off session. This is ridiculous. I am not going to spend his entire school life coaching him through each step, reminding him, hurrying him along …. because all it does is make both of us feel completely frustrated before 8:00. Neither does it teach him responsibility.
David to the rescue. When he was a counsellor at Bald Eagle Boys Camp, they used lots of natural consequences. It’s a little hard when your kids are really little. It just doesn’t work to let a child continue leaning over the edge of the tub and then have them fall out (natural consequence) because it’s not safe. But as Adam is getting older, we are able to use it more and more. I love it because it teaches him about real life …. the same things happen that would happen if he were an adult.
We waited until last night after a good weekend to bring up the subject. Just before he went to bed, we talked about his problem with messing around while he’s getting dressed and how he is going to need to learn how to be responsible on his own. We gave him a few options … learn to hurry along or have me wake him fifteen minutes earlier. He said earlier. We talked about the way he gets dressed and decided it would work better for him to put his shoes by the front door instead of putting them on with his shirt and pants so his “fingers can wake up.” (Seriously, this is his excuse for why he cannot get dressed faster). And then we told him that I will not be telling him to hurry up or what to do next. He normally has fifty minutes and that is way more then a gracious amount of time to get completely dressed, eat his breakfast, comb his hair, and brush his teeth. If he does not get done by the time Kristina gets here to pick him up, I will take him to school when he is ready and he will be late (this is a HUGE deal to him). Plus, because he missed his ride, he will need to give up some of his allowance money to pay for the gas.
Just before he went to bed he decided he didn’t need to get up earlier than normal after all. I was super relieved. I knew the first morning he’d be super quick and I wasn’t sure what to do with the boredom … or worse yet with the way he would believe he can mess around and still get ready on time.
At 7, David woke him and reminded him of his responsibility. In F I V E minutes flat, he was downstairs with his shirt buttoned correctly and his pants and socks on. He ate breakfast, brushed his teeth, combed his hair, put on his shoes and tied them and waited. I looked at the clock and realized he had almost a full thirty minutes to wait. He read books, we talked, he looked at more books and played with his toy snake. Finally he went back out to the door to wait. In a minute he said, “Mommy, I am just waiting and waiting. I will pay you one penny from my allowance to just take me to school right away.”
Funny, funny boy. I’m wondering how long this will last.
Speaking of school: what do y’all pack in your kids lunches? Adam likes taking leftovers better than a sandwich but what else? He’s tired of chips and yogurt but likes fruit and a cookie. How can I round out that much sweetness?
Speaking of allowances: Adam gets $1 / week and is saving and saving and saving for a BB gun. The other day he showed me a coupon to Dicks Sporting Goods for $10 off any hunting purchase of $50 or more. When I asked him where he got it he said, “I found it in Pa Beachy’s trash can and he said he didn’t need it so I kept it and gave the other one to Andrian (his friend at school). We’ve been doing the allowance since he turned five to teach him about money. He has to put 50% into savings, tithe 10% and 40% he can spend. I nearly popped with pride when I saw his money savvy skills and his generosity. I did not have the heart to tell him the coupon would expire two months before he had enough cash. Everything inside of me wanted to loan him the money so he could use the coupon, but David to the rescue again. “Do you really want to teach him to put things on payments?” Of course not. Instead we’re letting him redeem the coupon with us. Please don’t tell him.
Oh, and while we’re on the subject of allowances, did you know in the Parents magazine they suggest giving a child an allowance that is half their age. Can anyone tell me why you would give a six year old $3 a week to spend at will?????? Is it any wonder Americans think they should have lots of easy money? If you do this and it works, tell me how.
Speaking of domestics: Please give me more yummy granola recipes. I have only ever made one kind and I’d love to try some new ones. We are a cereal for breakfast kind of family, but we all love homemade granola over the boxed kind any day. But you can only eat so much of one kind for days on end.
My white chocolate cranberry blondies are almost ready to come out of the oven so I’d better run. Happy Monday everyone!
Ouch! And here I am, having a rather lazy non-domestic and definitely LOW-octane Monday! I have nothing more to say until I have redeemed myself. (Thanks for giving me a kick in the rear!)
This is all warm and smiley and yummy too! I am wishing that I could sit down with you, coffee and at least a couple of your white choolate blondies! happy sigh. I am soooo far behind here online, not sure when or IF I’ll catch up…but glad that I stopped by xanga real quick to read this from you!
love to you, from me…
and better, from HIM… to you today!
we should get together and share “notes” on early morning school motivation! well..its going better here, after the one morning of missing the bus and he being late..oh the dreaded word, LATE…I pinched my lips and watched the clock with alarm …but it has helped tremendous to have a chart with his chores, goals , times..etc. Best wishes this week 🙂
Wow!! What yummy looking granola!! I haven’t made it in such a long time and I’m suddenly hungry for it. =)
thanks for sharing what you’re doing with Adam. It reminds me so much of Evan, it’s crazy! We don’t have any kind of schedule, but he can take F-O-R-E-V-E-R to just put on socks!!!!!!!!!! Not to mention pants and shirt.
Good for you teaching Adam about coupons. 😉
Wow, you sure are Domestic Dotty today! Wish I’ve have just a little bit of that today. 🙂 I love Monday as well, they feel like a second Saturday to me. Or more like *my* Saturday, because we don’t often get real Saturdays to just be quiet and lazy. I often do my cleaning on Mondays, but other than that, just take it nice and quiet. But man, I cannot stop thinking about your white chocolate blondies. Mmmmmmmm…. Loved reading about Adam and his money… I could relate with you when you said you just wanted to loan him the money! I tend to be too much of a softy with my children, I think… But I love the thing of you redeeming that coupon. That’s just precious! And kids receiving allowances is great – you’re pretty amazing that you’re already teaching him savings and all that too. Wow. But seriously, can you imagine giving a kid half their age in allowance?? I don’t think so!
I love Mondays tooo!!!!!
When I was reading about your issues with Adam that is EXACTLY what was coming to my mind…allow natural consequences to do the teaching. However, I also realize that depending on the child, they would be thrilled to go to school late. Allowing them to face their own junk due to bad choices has been a good thing here at our house. Hope tomorrow morning goes just as smoothly!
At least I know my kids are normal!
We do almost the exact same thing with allowances. It is such a great way to teach them responsibility with their money!
I hope the ‘morning routine’ continues to go well, if not, the consequences will do the trick, I’ll bet!
I need to learn how to do High Octane Mondays. I had a houseful of company last night, and at 11:00 this morning I was thinking “Is it even possible to have such a little bit done on a Monday morning?”
I echo the crowd: White chocolate blondies sound marvelous.
My husband is a huge proponent of the ‘letting them feel the natural consequences’ philosophy. I think, at least for me personally, as a mom, its so hard to just let them hurt, flounder, or get in trouble and then learn from their mistakes. I know in my head that its the best way, but my mama’s heart fights against that sometimes! It’s one of the reasons I’m really glad my husband and I are different and can learn from one another’s approaches to life and parenting. Thanks for sharing your journey with Adam.
i’m glad that you and your husband were able to figure out a way to get your son motivated and let him know what he’s capable of. when i was younger i was specified by my parents what my allowance was to be for…but i’ve really gotten away from it in my ‘older’ years. i should maybe learn a think or two from the ‘past’ eh.
sounds like you were definately on a roll this morning and today. way to go…a good week to start off the week, especially with that yummy stuff baking in the oven. and laundrey on its way.
My Monday has been anything but high octane. Actually the baby boy had not allowed me to accomplish anything at all today. Ugh, maybe tomorrow.
The allowance thing is a GREAT idea. Unfortunately I didn’t do that with my 11 year old and she thinks money grows on trees.
Your granola looks yummy. Have you ever posted the recipe for it. It has got to be way healthier than boxed cereal WE are a cold cereal family too!! You sound like you have very normal children. Same struggles here too. Don’t you just love when the lessons you teach them seem to click. Love the story about him saving for a BB gun. I am so totally with you on the money issues. Children these days just think they want and they get. No savings involved. Kudos for teaching this at a young age.
My Monday morning has been anything but domestic. Oh, well. I need some good ideas for getting the poky daughter dressed in the morning. Problem is I already drive her. (Cannot believe how much that cuts into your day) As far as school lunches… I am always ready for new ideas. String cheese? carrots w/ranch? I don’t know. Somedays I feel like being not-so-nice-mom and make them pack their own. I get this real burn out with lunches. And way to go on the money saving. We have the same% formula for their money 50.10.40. My 10 yr old is saving for a calf. He helped his older brother mow lawn at my dads business this summer and after tithe and savings, saved a chunk. I think w/birthday money from grandman and I am not sure what else he had $80+ saved. It better not die or I don’t think my mother heart could help but get him another.
was just thinking that Mondays always seem SO profitable around here :). Maybe that means if we had a day of rest every other day, we could get a lot more done on the in between days!
Please give me the recipe for the white chocolate, cranberry whatevers. Sounds like a Starbucks bar and I just love any of their stuff with cranberries in it.
@Esther_lynn –
who is his grandman?
adam, like always, you made me laugh. and i really needed it today! thanks, michelle for sharing him with us. he is the best! high octane monday? not here. i texted marc not to come home yet, the house is just too awful.
@mlt10202002 – grandma =), my mom. She gives them $ for every birthday. They love it of course!
I loved this post. It’s always neat to read the different ways people parent their kids. Wish I had your domestic skills. 🙂
Oh….I loved reading about your monday! I hope adam doesn’t ever have to end up late for school. 🙁 Super great idea tho, to help him hurry!
i have a poky kiddo, too. 🙂 but she is old enough and we only live 1 mile from school…that she has to walk to school if she is not ready by a certain time. it helps. kinda. 🙂 your granola looks yummy! 🙂
Does everyone have a pokey one? Madison is fairly good with it, can be pokey given the right day, but the next one coming, oh how I dread getting her up and out the door for school! E.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g is WRONG mornings.
My Monday was a half and half. Got a lot done in the forenoon and then puttered out in the afternoon! 🙂 I’d love to come for blondies if you left out the cranberries! 🙂
That’s what I call a highly productive girl. Way to go.
Like the way you teach your kids…. it always so hard on me when consequences need to be applied but i’m confident it’s the way to go. Adam is so cute.
Happy Tuesday to you…
Love the ‘high octane Monday’ term! 🙂 I think I might try the consequence thing with Lexi. What a great idea! She has the same problem of dilly dallying and I feel like all I do all morning is hurry her along and she gets up 45 min before bus time. Being late is huge to her too, but it seems like she just relies on me to make sure it happens in time. She’s a 2nd grader, so PLENTY old enough for it to work! Hmmm, gotta think this thro today. LOL about fingers needing to wake up! 🙂 I’d love a bowl of that granola right now!!!
Funny that you mention the “poking around, being late” thing…because although the boys have never done too bad with this, I decided to just head it off/nip it in the bud this year.
I LOVE the concept of having “natural consequences” for things…but I don’t think either of my kids would care if they were late to school or if I had to run them. Secondly, I don’t have time to run them on the mornings that I have to work.
So…we did the “reward” thing. I have a little sticker chart with the list of things they need to do (morning and evening) and if they do it all WITHOUT being reminded and on time, they get a little money. If they get a “perfect score” for the week, then they get a little extra something, like a $1 Hot Wheel car. So far it has worked wonderfully. Mornings are SO easy. This morning they were all waiting on me and I was the one running late! ;-(
I love the way your mind works and how you and David analyze stuff like this. Totally reminds me of myself.
I would want to “help” Adam with the money or the coupon for the BB gun too. But it is important to teach them savings and patience, etc. Derrick got a BB gun for his birthday. He loves it!
Will you p.l.e.a.s.e. ask Chief David what he prescribes for a 13 yr. old who makes it out the door but with nothing else finished? Something that won’t be punishing to the mom either. 🙂 being a parent is tough.. you will be so glad you nipped it in the bud. kudos to high octane Mondays.. If I ever find my way through the boxes, I think I am going to invest in an espresso machine and have high octane on a daily basis!
oh dear! you didnt have to put that last pics there when Im already thinking Im hungry! :)ha
I love finding natural consequences that really resonate with a kid.
I like your idea of the allowance….I know lots of parents just give the money to the kid and they blow it every week…never thought that would teach them anything except to rely on handouts. I’m the last of 4 and by the time I came around my parents had given up on paying for work around the house and didn’t give allowances. I guess how I was taught money is grandparents would give me $20 for my birthday and my parents opened up a savings account and after I paid tithe, put the rest in there for me. Then when I turned 15 I was put on my own to buy my own clothes and anything I wanted. Really did teach me finances well!
Hi there! I have seen your comments on several blogs that I already read so I thought I would stop on over and say Hello. My son is only 3 but he is so like that. “My fingers are too tired to get dressed yet” I am sure that he will eventually use that excuse on me. Bedtime routine seems like it can take 4ever and I just commented to my husband the other night – “What are we going to do with him when he goes to school?” My husband is very much consequence driven too. Why this is not more natural to me, I don’t know. But it really works. One of my friends, who recently read a book by Kevin Leman about natural consequences actually left her son at home because he would not get up and get ready. He is 13. Instead of going to school, he had to go to work with his dad that day. A note the next day read – “C. decided to not get up and go to school yesterday. Please do whatever you do to boys who decide to skip school.” C was like, Am I really going to give my teacher this? Later the teacher called and said it was the best note they have ever received.
You should write a book on how to love Mondays. I always dread Mondays. Of course my house is never clean on Mondays b/c I am too unmotivated or busy through the weekends to keep on things so I am always playing catch up on Mondays – so that is probably the big difference.
I am really interested in your homemade granola. I tasted some at store the other day giving out free samples and fell in love. Never really done a lot of granola. I have a lot to learn.
@rugbana –
Hi back! Loved, loved, LOVED your comment … esp the part about the kid who didn’t go to school. Oh, my word, amazing mom and dad! You know the hardest thing about the natural consequences thing is that it often makes it so inconvenient for us!
I am getting there w/ the recipes. It’s rainy outside and cozy in so maybe today.
Oh yummy! crispy, crunchy and sweet.
This whole deal with school. I am experiencing it as well. Almost exactly the same actions that Alex has. I sat down last night and explained to him how this (you) mommy handled it. Then asked if it would help him to? He just kind of made this scary face, with big eyes and said “wooooh”. I don’t think it meant a lick to him. Is their hope? lol
Anyway, it was really good to read….
I loved the “one penny from my allowance” story. Parenting can be a lot of hard work and highlighting those funny or heartwarming moments help me from getting too bogged down with it. How lucky you are to have a chief for a daddy to your boys. =) I’m just a little biased because I married one as well. We end up using a lot of camp philosophy when it fits our family and it was fun to run across your story of how it works for you.
That granola looks wonderful !!!!! Post your recipe sometime 🙂
About allowances —- I had to ask Lavon what we do and he said we actually do what the Parent magazine says. This is how we break it down.
For Sequoia it looks like this ………
1. Tithe $1.00
2. Long term savings $1.00(it goes to the bank)
3. Short term savings $1.00 (like Sequoia is now saving for an American doll)
4. Spending money $.50 (which they are learning that your money goes VERY quickly if you just spend it on candy and gum and you have NOTHING to show for it. They love yard saling 🙂
So far for us this has worked out ok. Do you think this looks reasonable or not ????
@onebusymom –
I am IMPRESSED. I love especially that you are separating long term and short term savings. That’s something we should start doing.
Natural and logical consequences are beautiful when used properly.
And sometimes REALLY funny for the rest of the family too . . . when our lovely Dd’s were consistently ignoring the urgency of screambling for church on Sunday a.m.’s since we have a stiff 45 min. drive to church . . . we finally decided we HAD to do something. We woke them up one Sunday a.m. and then went peacefully about our morning. When it was about 10 min. till time to leave, nary a sign or sound had we heard from the girls. I went up to their room again, bags in hand, woke them back up again (they’d simply laid in bed, unconcerned, until they both fell asleep again) and told them to grab a blanket and go to the bathroom, because we were leaving for church. I threw their clothing into the bags along with granola bars and fruit, and out to the van I herded them. They had to try to get dressed under their blankets on the way to church (while buckled). Believe it or not, both of them managed it–even though our youngest was in a booster seat even!) and I combed their hair at church . . . Let’s just say we’ve never ever come even close to a repeat in several years time . . .