Chesed

Going Home

By Michelle September 20, 2016 Boys Camp, life 4 Comments

We’re moving home!

After months of thinking about it, the day is almost here!

Maryland will have been home for almost four and a half years by the time we load the truck four weeks from now. It’s hard to believe it’s been that long, and hard to believe it’s only been that long.

David has loved his work here! He counted it an honor to work alongside so many families. Their trust, their courage, their faith was a gift. I’ve seen him thrive in a lot of places so it was no surprise to see him do it well; but I think it surprised me how much he loved working with people on such an intense level full-time. God has clearly given him a gift and it was beautiful to see that side of him develop as he used it!

But, it’s time to pass the baton to another and we’re excited about moving back to Virginia!

Zara and Bella know nothing other than Maryland and Liam has almost no memories of living there. So while it feels like moving home to David and I, this is going to mean “new” territory for half our family. We were down doing a bit of work on the house over Labor Day and Zara talks often about the place we’re moving to. “Remember dat house dat has NO TOYS. Den we have to get a big truck and take my toys and my bed and my drawers {dresser}.”

Four years means so much change in a family in our stage. We moved here, the family with two little boys. We’re returning with big boys and two little girls. I cannot believe how different the boys seem when I remember the first days here. I think back to the transition then and who had the hardest time adjusting, and then I look ahead and wonder what it’s going to be like helping them walk through the move back. They’ve made a lot of good memories here. They loved the opportunities for canoeing and fishing and swimming at the aqueduct. It’s a boy’s world around here and they loved it!

It’s been a home away from home. We’ve loved walk / bike rides on our waaaaaaay back in quiet road. I’ve loved watching the hummingbirds and the fun of having a sparrow build its nest in one of the ferns on the front porch. I’d have been just fine without the snakes or the bear on the porch, but apparently it comes with the territory. 🙂

One of the nicest surprise gifts here was having such exceptional neighbors. You know how some people go to great lengths to make it look like they’re at home when they’re not? Well, we told ours because we knew they’d look out for us. When David was gone on those crazy late nights and I got scared by a strange vehicle going by way too fast (oh the way you notice cars when you only have about eight vehicles on your road per day), I’d call Kiersten to see if anything is up. When Sherri found out David and the boys were gone overnight again, she came up and hung out for two hours holding Bella and reading stories to Zara so I wouldn’t lose my sanity. They’re the kind you borrow eggs from and neither of you remembers if you replaced them. The kind who end up talking at the end of your driveway and you suddenly decide to go walking together and they push your stroller. They are proof that the small town America the old people talk about is still thriving.

Now there are so many lasts to squeeze in-between all the getting ready. The last shopping day with my friend, Sheryl. I still can’t believe the gift of being at camp the same time she was! The last night out with friends in Hagerstown. And hopefully, a last dinner date for David and I at our favorite restaurant in town.

God has taught me so much during my #lifeinthewilderness as I dubbed it on instagram. I hope someday after we move I’ll get a day just to reminisce, to think, to pray, to see a bigger picture of what all He was speaking.

But for now, it’s purging and boxes and packing tape. Transition and stability. Organization and chaos. Goodbyes and see you soons.

And lots of baby kisses in between.

Zara’s Running Dialogue

By Michelle September 19, 2016 Zara No Comments

And on the heels of boy quotes, I’m pretty sure Zara could fill an entire post all by herself. There are times David and I just shake our heads and grin at each other. She is so girl. For starters, there was the wailing episode in the bathtub when I asked her why she is crying. “I don’t knooooooow,” she sobbed.

Then there are the multiple times when her own jabbering isn’t sufficient and she says hopefully, “Can ‘ou talk wif me?”

I love this stage of talking with all the mutilated words, but especially because it is just the funniest thing to hear such grown up stuff come from such little people (or miniature human as Adam would put it).

It’s no secret that Zara has older brothers. She pretends to gallop on horses and shoots imaginary birds through the car windows. But it gets really funny when she mimics with no idea what she is saying. Recently she started asking (in a rather whiny voice to boot), “Can I have some fwee [free] time?” Um, isn’t that what two year olds do all day every day??

Other times she gets all glow-y and says, “I’n an idea!”

For awhile she would ask, “What time is it?” multiple times a day. And then when I answered she got indignant because in her mind it was always 4:30.

She gets pool and Pooh all mixed up and and so we often get asked, “Can me watch shwimming in du Pooh?”

That little shw is just the cutest, even if it makes her sound inebriated. “Oh, she sho shweeeeeeeeet,” she croons over Bella dozens of times a day.

She was so in love with Bella long before she was born and would often ask, “Baby, mommy’s hummy told? [Is the baby in Mommy’s tummy cold?]. No, the baby isn’t cold. “Baby Mommy’s hummy ‘ine?” Yes, the baby is fine. And then she’d be off to play.

She is Miss Independent in capital letters and italics. I know this is a rite of passage, but she’s certainly doing a good job of making sure we don’t miss the fact that it’s happening. “How we do it?” gets said with only slightly less regularity than “I can mySELF.”

And then she gets all melty and cuddly as soon as she and Bella are both in the same parent’s lap. “Do ‘ou ‘ave ‘ou two yittle dirls?

There are so many, many consonants that get replaced. She wears ship hops on her feet and says a bad word when she tries to say they fit. We split laughing when she watched a video of Liam taken when he was three and her response was, “Whoa. He can weally talk well.”

Not only is she independent, she’s pretty sure she can keep Adam and Liam in line singlehandedly. Sometimes the boys will throw ball with her. She stands at the top of the stairway and one of them will stand at the bottom. It doesn’t level the playing field but it definitely makes it less boring for them. Once when she went to retrieve the ball, Adam hid. She yelled and yelled his name and when he didn’t reappear she said, “Hey, Mommy, A’am not being ‘bedient!

It didn’t take her very long to figure out that Mom’s word is authority so one day when they were tussling on high in the basement and she was too afraid to join them she sat on the steps for a bit. Suddenly she declared, “Hey boys, my mom tell me ‘ou ‘ave to dop [stop]. I thought it was hysterical until the next day when she tried it on me. She wanted something and I said no. She looked at me and said quite certainly, “My mom tell me me TAN.”

She’s still trying to figure out where things come from and recently she will often say, “Dis nummy, nummy, nummy. Who made it?” when she likes the food. But when I reply she insists, “No, DOD [God] made it.”

Liam is flat out amazing with her. He keeps her entertained when I ask him, too, but more often than not he plays with her simply because he loves her. He teaches her all kinds of fun ways to play, or gets her to join him when he’s working. He just finished up his own thirty day challenge of running five times a day from our house to the neighbor’s house and back. Zara badly wanted to run, too, so one day he took her out running across the yard to the fence and back after he finished his own sprint. It became a need for her, suddenly. One morning she was sitting on top of the loveseat trying to convince Liam to take her to run to the fence. He wasn’t in the mood and said she could go on her own. “No, me tant doe on my own. Dat ‘ould be dary [scary],” she said sadly. Instantly Liam softened and he took her on a run. No wonder she adores him!

My favorite quote though, is only about Zara, not one she said. We were one the way home from the beach and she was being oh so very Zara. David just shook his head and said, “I pity her husband.” 🙂 🙂

The funnies

By Michelle September 17, 2016 Boy Quotes No Comments

I’ve gotten so out of the habit of writing down things the boys say; but they’re still making me laugh almost every day. The other day I grabbed a pen after Adam looked at Zara and said, “She’s pretty much a miniature human with an almost developed brain.” 🙂 For real. And then I discovered this ooooooold post in my drafts folder and figured better late than never. So enjoy a few golden oldies.

Adam was talking about radiation and the harmful effects it can have while we were fixing lunch. I was microwaving leftovers when he got himself a drink and said, “I get really thirsty when I eat radiated food.”

******************

The boys had been studying parasites in Science toward the end of their school year. About the same time Durlin and Emily came to visit and I got to take six month pictures of their darling, pudgy baby girl. Liam was looking at the pictures of her later and said, “She is the smiliest baby I ever saw. Every time you look at her she smiles.” Then he took a look at her chubby legs and said, “She’s so fat she might have that lymphocytic ermich….. whatever it’s called.”

Liam went downstairs to brush his teeth and get ready for bed when suddenly he came huffing back up the steps. “I’m a hound sniffing down my hug and kiss!” Seriously? This is when I just want them never to grow up!

***************

We were driving into town and Adam was in thoughtful mode. Pretty soon he said, “You know, Daddy isn’t quite over the hill, but he’s kind of on the edge. [poignant pause] He’s just not very lively and [short pause] sharp anymore.” Phew! Glad I’m still a year David’s junior. 🙂

The boys were eating lunch and Adam was exclaiming over the good cherry tomatoes he’d picked in the garden.

Liam: “Is there a lucky day?”

Me: “You mean like on the calendar?”

Liam: “Yes.”

Me: “No.”

Liam: “Shoot. I was going to try cherry tomatoes on that day.”

*************

We were riding up 29 North in Charlottesville when we came up beside a man on a motorcycle wearing a gopro on his helmet. Liam took one look and said, “”Oh, that’s so lucky. Then you don’t need a wife and a car.” No need for wife paparazzi, huh?

**************

We’d been discussing how different people have different strengths. One day Liam asked me, “What are you good at?”

Me: “Oh, the only thing I’m a pro at currently is being a mom to you guys.”

Liam: “No, you’re pretty good at clearing the dishwasher.”

Always good to have a vote of confidence somewhere. 😉

Helping Babies Sleep at Night

By Michelle August 23, 2016 baby, life 6 Comments

After my last post, you should know I don’t consider myself an expert on this baby life thing. Babies are so intricate and individual and what works for one doesn’t necessarily work for another. Equally important, moms are different and what works for one doesn’t necessarily work for another.

If I could only tell a new mom one thing I think this would be it. Do what works for you. Follow your mom intuition. You may not have a big sense of it yet; but you do have one. The more you exercise it, the more you will hear it. Listen to it. It doesn’t mean you are always right; but often you are. The right decision is the one that works for you. Not the one that works for your sister in law or your friend or the other mom at church who makes parenting look like a piece of cake.

I learned this quickly. Adam was a few months old when I tried making him go to sleep in his crib. Why? Because that’s how most of the moms at church did it. It’s what the pediatric magazines all said. It’s what his doctor recommended.

He cried for what felt like an eternity while I bent over his crib and patted his back. I hated every minute of it and I totally refused to do it again until he was almost two. I love, love, love rocking my babies. It’s one of my favorite things to do. They love it, too. So I don’t care how many hours of research are behind those magazine articles, I will rock them until they or I am ready to transition. Same thing with so many other things. Figure out what you believe when it comes to all those hot button mom topics and follow your heart. You will be a far more consistent and less frustrated mama if you believe in the way you are parenting.

So I offer this, not as a do it this way solution; but simply as one of those hanging out in the nursery at church chats. It’s what worked for us and some of it has been handed down from my mama because it worked for her. She was told by her mom and it worked for her. Who knows. Maybe some of it’s genetic. Maybe it’s just the way we’re wired to parent. But I’ve been sharing this with friends for awhile and sometimes it has helped.

I’d reeeaaally like to avoid creating a hot button post so please can I say one more time, this isn’t the only right way. I have no judgement for anyone who likes to sleep train or who enjoys getting up with their baby at night and doesn’t want it to change. I’ll celebrate whichever way you want it. But just in case you wish your baby would sleep through the night and want to try something that might help, I’ll share the love that was shared with me.

My babies have all slept for long chunks of time at night from early on. One of them waited until just shy of four weeks to pull a five hour stretch but I think they all did eight by two months. The last three slept four to five hours by the time they were a week old. Bella might throw me on the eight hour stretches by two months though. 🙂

We don’t do any sleep training. I’m a bit more of a gentle, middle of the roader when it comes to that one. But I do like to encourage it. Here’s what we’ve learned.

Advice from my mom and from her mom.

Keep it quiet at night. Believe it or not, in those first few days it is possible to be so euphoric about your darling baby that when she wakes at 2 AM you want to talk to her. Try not to. Don’t make eye contact either because eye contact is super stimulating to a tiny baby. Use the lowest light possible for those diaper changes and feedings. We put a 15 watt bulb in a lamp and keep it away from the changing table / feeding area.

Keep your baby warm. All the experts say to dress your baby like you dress or maybe one more layer. Really? They just exited a cozy apartment where they were snuggled tight and the temperature always stayed just shy of 99 degrees. And now we’re supposed to lay them flat on their backs in a 70 something house with only the amount of clothes we wear and expect them to sleep. It’s kind of laughable, really.

Lots of babies like to be swaddled and it’s safer to swaddle them than to put a loose blanket on top of them. So swaddle them up. Bella loves a cotton swaddle and a heavier blanket wrapped around her and tucked in. Your baby shouldn’t sweat, but if she’s waking up with cool hands and feet, she’s probably cold. (Yes, I know they all say babies have poor circulation. Their hands and feet might be cold. I’m just saying what works for us.) Think about how hard she sleeps when she’s lying on your chest. She gets all warm and relaxed from your body heat. Her circulation might not be great; but she doesn’t like being cold. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen a tiny baby with mottled arms and legs in a cold restaurant and had to almost physically restrain myself from walking up with a blanket. 😉 Babies love to be warm.

The other tip I learned from lactation consultants and my mom. Wake your baby to eat during the day. How often will vary based on whether you breastfeed or bottle feed. Until mine are sleeping well through the night, I always wake them every two hours through the day. Babies often want a 4-5 hour block without feeding during a twenty four hour period. They just don’t always choose to take it at night. I choose to not let them have that block during the day to help encourage them to take it at night. Occasionally I hear a mom say, my baby woke up every two hours at night; but she takes such good naps. Sometimes she sleeps for four hours. That was baby’s night. She just happened to take it during the day.

Once they’re solidly doing nights, I let them stretch it out longer if they want to. But until then, two and a half hours is our max. Three if it’s in the morning or soon after lunch. Don’t be surprised if your baby wants to cluster feed in the evening. This is usually a sign that they want to stretch out their nights a little longer.

Listen to your baby! It’s amazing how much they tell us. It’s just not always easy to decipher the codes. Zara was a few months old when she started wanting a double feed around ten in the morning. I almost didn’t let her because I was sure it was going to be disaster. I figured she just had tummy ache. But when I did, she slept for three to four hours straight! It was such a God-send because I was doing school with the boys at the time. It became the consistent pattern of her day. Be wakeful, eat, play, do a double feed, take a loooong nap, be wakeful, take a catnap, and then do an seven to eight hour night. On the days when Bella isn’t tummy achey, she’s definitely asking for more 2 1/2 to 3 hour slots than any of the others who seemed to start yelling for food every hour and a half.

So encourage, but listen to your baby, too!

If you’re still staggering through to many dark o clock feedings, here’s a hug! And if I could, I’d deliver a hot cup of coffee in the morning.

When Your Baby is Fussy

By Michelle August 21, 2016 baby, Bella, life 9 Comments

I feel a bit like a whale who has been forced to swim underwater for longer than anticipated and I just now broke through the surface of the water to get air. I think they call that spouting, right? Hopefully this will be a gentle one. 🙂

It’s been a rough couple of weeks.

Bella has had sooooooooo many tummy issues. For awhile, I said she was my next to fussiest baby. Then David and the boys were gone again and I realized that in some ways, she may be my fussiest. I just survive a little better because there are more people to help hold her.

Our babies look so much alike David jokes that we only have one mold. Apparently we only have one mold in other ways, too. They all, to varying degrees, end up with same tummy troubles. They spit up a lot. They have a lot of gas issues. And they can’t lie down to sleep during the day because of reflux (seriously, you can hear the gurgling as it come up their throat); but they sleep well at night (more on that later) most of the time from tiny on.

Oddly enough, Liam was our easiest little baby. I still look back and wonder how in the world that happened because he had umpteen food issues later.

You would think by now I’d know what works. I thought I did. But somehow every baby still has its own road map. I’ve talked to a lactation consultant three times. I’ve tried every position I can think of … boppy pillow, side lying with the head of her crib elevated, bouncy seat ….

The other day I got so desperate I put her on her tummy hoping to buy myself ten minutes. She was sleeping soundly, completely limp. I gingerly placed her on her tummy and eased out the door. By the time I’d used the bathroom and washed my hands she was crying again.

They should make 0-10 scales for fussy babies like they do for pain management. I remember when I had Adam I felt like I wasn’t supposed to say I had a fussy baby because I heard people describing babies with colic who literally screamed for hours while you paced the floor.

He didn’t scream. He just cried and we could often find a good position while sitting on the rocker for part of that time. It was just that we needed to plan on doing nothing from 5:00PM to 11:00PM except take turns rocking, feeding, patting, jiggling, and burping. Not fussy, right? 🙂 Ha ha.

I think I just thought that was normal for babies. Kind of like I thought it was normal that we were soaking 10-12 burp diapers with spit up (some of them I could have wrung out) and he would occasionally hit the wall behind my rocker in the morning.

We’ve come a long way from those days. I wish I would have known then what I know now. It wouldn’t have taken care of everything, but I definitely could have helped him be more comfortable those first two months.

The good thing is, that one mold we have? So far all of them have gotten exponentially better after the two month mark. Their little digestive systems work better and their little tummies apparently expand a bit more so there isn’t quite as much reflux.

Now there is Bella. Bella, who on some days, has to be held the entire time because even a bathroom break is too long. On good days, she sleeps for ten minutes in her crib and although the monitor is turned up, I go flying back into her room terrified she’s died because she never sleeps this long. And then there are strangely miraculous days where she sleeps lying down for forty-five minutes. Bella is probably a 6 on that 0-10 scale.

What is most boggling of all is the fact that she sleeps at night. There are a few nights here and there where she only sleeps a four hour stretch (and of course, the worst would happen when David is gone), but for the most part she can do a six to seven hour stretch between feedings. Rarely eight. Which means about six hours in her crib since it often takes an hour afterward until her tummy can manage lying down. How can the same baby drink the same milk and be laid in the same crib with the same blankets and sleep for hours at night but not even do ten minutes during the day? I will NEVER figure this out; but I am eternally grateful for the sleep at night. Thank God it’s not reversed.

I’ve gotten lots of helpful advice. Anything from eliminating dairy to which probiotic to meds for reflux to the possibility of a tongue tie. I’m grateful. Even though we won’t do all or even most of it, it is helpful to have pieces to sift through and see how they fit into her puzzle. Over and over again I am amazed at the community that women can be for each other. It is an eNORmous gift … this thing of holding up each other’s arms. (More on that later, too, I hope, but there are too many things to write about and precious few minutes available for it.)

I started eliminating dairy last Monday. Monday and Tuesday were terrible. Wednesday and Thursday she was so angelically quiet we worried she was sick. She slept and slept and slept. I woke her several times to feed her. Her body language was so relaxed it made me realize how much she had been hurting. And when she opened her eyes, she focused well instead of having that glazed look I assumed was newborn, but actually was because of pain. There was one poopy diaper per feeding instead of three.

I was in awe. Getting rid of dairy was worth it. Then came Friday and the crying started all over again. I walked and walked and bounced and swayed and shhhh, shhh, shhhh’d and bounced and swayed some more. That night I got exactly four hours of sleep and she didn’t get much more. It wasn’t until sometime Saturday morning as I kept bouncing that I realized I’d had a piece of biscotti Friday morning. Made with butter.

Seriously. I used to be the food hawk because I had no choice. I could sniff out “May contain traces of residual milk protein” labels like a bloodhound. You would think I’d remember things like 1 cup of butter per recipe kind of things. But we’ve gotten so far away from those days I’ve forgotten how terribly, terribly careful I had to be. So I’m off again. For real. And today? Today is heaven in a baby package. She sleeps and sleeps. Except for when the milk gurgles up into her throat.

I’m trying probiotics again (she’d gotten sick on the carrier oil in the Gerber one) because I have them only in a tinier dose this time. And then we’ll keep going down the list of things to try beginning with the least invasive first. No dairy. Probiotics. And if we still need more help I think we’ll try reflux meds.

I’m still researching the tongue tie issue. It intrigues me because some of the stories make me think potentially all of our kids had it to some degree, but especially Zara.

What tomorrow holds remains to be seen. For now I will gaze in awe at my sleeping, relaxed darling and dream of the day when I can eat caprese salad, a huge bowl of ice cream with peaches, Dove chocolates, quesadillas with fresh salsa, and ALL the cheese in the house.

Newborn Reality Show

By Michelle July 19, 2016 baby, Bella, life, Zara 6 Comments

Have you ever seen streams of darling, sleepy newborn baby pictures show up in your newsfeed on Facebook and Instagram (guilty as charged) and wondered in amazement at the idyllic life of a newborn?

Well, guess what? The reason you see all those sleepy baby pictures is because that’s when moms actually have a free hand to grab a camera. Much as I believe in documenting real life in all it’s raw splendor, it’s pretty hard to grab a camera when both your hands are occupied holding, patting, sticking a pacifier back in, patting, wiping spit up, patting, feeding, changing diapers amidst those teeny tiny flailing legs, patting …

Luckily, Adam is old enough to operate my camera reasonably well and it’s so much fun to have a few images of the awake and busy moments when my hands are full.

But just in case you wanted a glimpse of what it’s really like to have a newborn (or a bit of humor for your otherwise normal Tuesday) let me tell you about last Monday.

I woke for the how manyeth time at 7:30 to tiny, hungry baby cries. I was completely hung over with exhaustion. We’d spent the day in Virginia on Sunday because David was going down to pick up his niece and I couldn’t stay out of the van when looking at the chance to see Bella’s almost twin cousin. Seriously. How darling are these babies and how fun is it that they are only three days apart in age?

I figured if women in Bible times walked to the temple on day eight to get their boy babies circumcised, it couldn’t hurt me to drive three hours in a van, right? Hmm. No long term repercussions, but oh was I tired Monday morning. We needed to be out the door by 9 to get to the pediatrician on time and it certainly didn’t look like I was going anywhere big when I could hardly make it out of bed. David rescued me and said he’d take me in. He walked out the door to work and said he’d be back to pick me up.

I thought this should go like clockwork (how is it that I’ve still not figured this out?). After all, I had the diaper bag packed the night before. This is baby number 4. I have very little mama pride left, plus, I’ve got long standing rapport with the pediatrician’s office by now. Bella was simply going to go in her puked on sleeper, because no one was going to assume I was a negligent mom based on dirty pajamas. You can bet child number one would have gotten a thorough bath if it meant getting up at 6AM to do it. I’m telling you, by baby #3 or 4, it’s about survival.

I fed her and like usual, milk entering her belly created a poopy eruption down south. While I was holding her legs up to change her diaper, she peed and gravity spread everything up toward her umbilical cord and over her belly. My hand felt pushed so I grabbed clean clothes and bath supplies and headed out to the kitchen sink for a quick sponge bath. Just like our other babies, Bella has regurg issues so I always try to bathe right before a feeding and even then she usually manages to puke on her clean clothes before I’m even finished dressing her. Well, with a full tummy, she erupted three times, not just once. I kept wiping skin with the wash cloth and clothes with baby wipes and finally she was dressed, wrapped in a blanket, and carefully positioned with a burp diaper placed strategically around her chin … just as David walked in the door to pick me up.

I handed her off to Adam with instructions to please keep her upright and the burp diaper in place and rushed off to shower since I smelled like every body fluid known to man and apparently there is still a teeny vestige of mama pride in there somewhere. About that time Adam announced that Bella had filled her diaper again. David went to change her and called out that she’d pooped through. Oh please. I knew the outfit change would only start the puke cycle again and it was a tiny amount anyway, so we wiped it up with baby wipes. If you’re the investing type, you may want to look into buying stock in a baby wipes company. They’re sure to go up with the amount we’re going through. David moved to take Zara potty and we headed out the door only five minutes late. The boys and Rochelle stayed home to start laundry and do a few other chores. I breathed a huge sigh of relief. Late, sure, but hey, we were making it.

Halfway down the curvy, hilly, thirty minute trek to town Zara got carsick and threw up all her breakfast down over herself and her car seat. She was crying in horror as I wiped things a little bit with baby wipes and promised we’d get her cleaned up as soon as we stopped. Bella started screaming with tummy ache because that’s what happens every time we put a baby in a carseat. I was suddenly in a game of twister with one hand trying to hold in a pacifier and one hand holding wipes in place so Zara couldn’t see as much of the awfulness in her lap and trying to soothe both verbally with little success.

We arrived and I escaped the stinky van with baby and bag while David cleaned up the mess, stripped Zara, and wrapped her in the Moby for lack of anything else. It was a forever long appointment with a repeat PKU and finally we were out. A stop at Roses, the only store in town with clothes, to pick up a dress for a pullup clad toddler and we were back in business. We made a quick stop at the grocery store since we were in town anyway then headed home.

David hurried back to work and I had nothing more wonderful in mind than the recliner and some rest.

About that time Zara popped in her panties.

Let’s just say potty training has only been about 50% successful around here and I’m never quite sure if the positive 50% is me being trained or her. Either way, we both missed it on that one.

More clean up and a bath later, we were eating lunch. She was on my lap because she wasn’t eating when I felt a warm flush all over my legs. A diaper and a nap for a two year old rarely looked so good.

It may have been Monday, but I’m pretty sure it was spelled with a capital P because it pretty much looked like poop, puke and pee to me. So there you have it. The other side of that darling wouldn’t trade it for the world newborn stage.

Actually, I’m pretty sure I could sum it up in one word.

#momlife

Baby Love

By Michelle July 18, 2016 baby, Bella 9 Comments

She’s here!

Isabelle Claire arrived a little over two weeks ago in all her teeny, tiny 6 pound 1 ounce cuteness.

We are deliriously happy, sleep deprived, head over heels, smitten.

No one seems to be able to get enough of her. Not even me at 3 in the morning.

I sniff her hair and neck and wish there were some way to preserve that newborn smell. You know, the way some moms save baby clothes or locks of hair.

I wish I could memorize her. The creases in her neck, her long fingers, the way she lazily blinks when she’s trying to wake up, the ever so slight rhythmic motion of her breathing as she snuggles against my chest, the way she curls up into a C. I try; but it’s impossible. I’ve had three babies before and somehow, sadly, the years make you forget.

This newborn stage is intoxicating. It’s the one that makes me want twenty more babies.

I’m not the only one. The day after we were home Liam had her all snuggled up on his shoulder when he looked at me across the room. “I wish you’d go through another pregnancy.”

“Whatever for?” I asked, curious how he could possibly so soon forget what it was like to have a pregnant mom.

“Just for this.”

To Our Newest Darling

By Michelle June 27, 2016 baby 4 Comments

I can’t wait to meet you.

Some days when you poke your heel out so far I can almost feel half of your foot in my hand, I feel as though mere skin keeps us from seeing each other. I hold my hand against you, rub your back, and cringe a little as your heel runs hard down the side of my abdomen. If I don’t miss my guess, you have big feet like your sister.

The boys laugh as they watch you dance. The flutters that used to make them smile are now gigantic squirms that make them squeal ewwww in shock. They can’t wait to hold you. This time they remember Zara and the unbelievable sweetness of snuggling a newborn and I wonder if I’ll even get a turn.

I love having you inside me. Always right there. Safe. Comfortable. Close.

But I can hardly wait to hold you in my arms where I can feel your soft skin, touch your cheek, and stare at your eyelashes. I can’t wait to smell you. To just sit and drink in the miracle that is you.

Some days that moment seems so close.

Other days I think about what lies ahead for you and I and it feels as though an ocean separates us. I feel twinges of apprehension. I wonder what it’s like for you. This passage from inside to outside. I wonder if you know that change is ahead. Be safe, little one.

And know that you are already so very, very loved.

When Bears Stalk Us

By Michelle June 24, 2016 life 13 Comments

I went to bed completely exhausted the Wednesday night of June 1 with the kitchen in a mess. Thursday morning I stumbled to the kitchen, groggily hoping the coffee David made hours earlier before leaving on a work related trip to Virginia was still hot. Still sleep deprived, I noticed the olive oil bottle lying on it’s side. Exhausted or not, I don’t leave bottles side lying. Ever. I thought maybe David knocked it over in the pre-dawn hours but that wouldn’t be like him either.

As I got closer, I realized that not only was my mess still on the counter, there were wet clumps of cut grass and bits of watermelon rind there, too. Then I noticed the window sill was FILTHY. Coffee forgotten and wide awake, I picked up the olive oil bottle. Dirty. Scratched label.

I saw the watermelon had rolled forward from where it had been at the back of the counter, thankfully rolling against a random fork as opposed to falling to the floor and splitting. When I returned it to a safer spot at the back of the counter I noticed it had claw marks.

Oh, wait. The screen was gone. And the window had slobber marks on it.

I stepped outside to see the screen and saw paw marks that reached above my head next to the window.

Seriously alarmed, I circled the house. Sure enough, two windows in the living room had ripped screens from bear claws.

So there I was. 34 weeks pregnant. Three kids. And a husband five hours out of town. Why do our crazy things always happen on the days when he is so far away? He offered to call the DNR and I declined. I was going to play my pregnant with three kids card well and I meant business. I had absolutely zero interest in walking out the hallway some morning to find a bear in my living room, thank you very much.

The bear had been bothering us some over the past few weeks. He bent a two inch metal pole, stripped the metal screws out of the back of the bird house and consumed the poor baby bluebirds. He knocked the hummingbird feeder down and while I was gone one evening telling tales about him, he walked the entire way around the deck and dumped the planter on the far corner before dragging it out into the yard. I was mad at him then, but this was way, way too far. If people go to jail for breaking and entering, this bear needed to be shot.

I called the DNR office and first left a message with the “invasive species” department before realizing I really should have transferred myself to the “nuisance animal” department. 🙂 I called back and got an answer. The drama worked. She took notes as I was talking, “How far along did you say you are? I’m putting out an emergency call to your area. You should get a call soon.”

I cleaned up the messy kitchen except for all the bear souvenirs and before I’d even finished got the call I was looking for.

“We’re bringing out a trap today and should be there soon after lunch.”

From there, things played out like clockwork. Sometimes they set a trap and nothing happens. Sometimes they set a trap and get a bear a week later. And sometimes they set a trap and get a bear right away. I was super impressed with the warden who came out. He was so patient with the boys and showed them exactly how the trap worked. The plan was to fill the trap with donuts and molasses and then “process” him if he got caught. He’d get pepper sprayed, shot at with rubber pellets, and hopefully figure out that people and houses are not enjoyable. He also confirmed that my bear death threats wouldn’t land me in jail because it would be considered protecting my family.

That afternoon my friend, Anita, arrived for five days. It was the normal hullabaloo of heading out to baseball only this time we got soaked in the rain. She helped me finish putting strawberries in the freezer when we got home and once again we cleaned up the messy kitchen before heading out to the front porch to enjoy our strawberries and ice cream to the sound of the whippoorwill. It was 9:45 and our conversation turned to the bear. What would we do if we suddenly saw an even blacker shadow emerge from the darkness? I was a bit nervous because the rain would certainly muffle any sound of his shuffling. Anita was still damp from the ball game and feeling cold so we opted to head inside. (Ok, ok, we were also a little bit nervous.)

I headed downstairs to tuck the boys into bed and, as I hugged Liam, noticed a flash of lightning. Do you guys want the curtains open so you can watch the lightning? Oh, yes, they did. I flung the left panel to the side and instantly saw a huge, round shadow lumbering between the clothesline and the house … not fifteen feet from where I stood inside the door. “I think I saw the bear,” I said, then immediately crossed it off as fear induced imagination. You can see a lot of things when you’re scared. Still, I checked the other window just to make sure and watched as that big black shadow lumbered straight up to the trap and walked in front of it. The boys yelled upstairs to alert David while I ran to yell through the bathroom door to Anita. By the time I got back to the window David had turned on a floodlight to the yard. I started to yell, “don’t scare him away,” when Liam said, “The trap door is closed!”

We dashed upstairs and out and instantly heard an angry commotion coming from inside the cage. And oh, let the adrenaline rush begin. He was thumping angrily inside the cage, shaking it, rattling it, throwing himself against the sides. I couldn’t stop smiling. Finally, it was HIS turn to get the short end of the stick and I told him so gleefully. Going to bed was a different story. About the time I thought I could settle down, I’d hear the cage start back up. He rattled metal that started to sound like the door and I was petrified he was smart enough to figure out how to open it and get away. I mean what bear wouldn’t love that. Donuts and molasses and no punishment. I kept waiting on him to growl and he never did. Did you know black bears don’t growl? They snort and clack their teeth and sometimes they whine. We only think they growl because of Disney!

Black bear snarls

(shhh! Yes, we opened the trap door to get a picture of him! And no, we didn’t stick our fingers in the cage.)

By 7 the next morning the bear was the attention of the neighborhood. I called the warden on his personal cell phone and he never even said hello. Instead he greeted me with, “Hi Michelle.” We weren’t the only ones excited. They only catch about three bears per year so it was a big day for everyone! He was so generous about letting camp come over to watch and learn. Seriously, I was completely amazed! I wouldn’t have been at all surprised to hear them say they don’t want to deal with a crowd, it’s not safe, yada yada and I would have totally respected that. Instead Rande said sure and spent an enormous amount of time educating us on how bears get habituated, what is “acceptable” bear behavior (in their book, not mine!), and what happens when they cross a line like this one did. It was so impressive. Kids are always teachable, but at an extraordinary moment like this, they soak in and remember so much! One of our campers from the city decided he wants to work for the DNR because of the presentation and education!

After he explained everything, the bear got put to sleep while our crowd of nearly sixty headed to the other end of the yard. He estimated he might weigh 300 lbs and it’s impossible to know exactly how a bear will metabolize the meds. But it’s a given that if he’s worked up from the noise it’s going to be harder to put him to sleep.

Once he was truly sedated, they dragged him out of his cage and let everyone circle up around him. We guessed his weight and then a few of the campers got to don gloves and help to weigh and measure him. He was HUGE! An average neck circumference is 25 inches. This guy was 29.5! And not only did he reach the estimated 300 lbs, his actual weight was 348!!! His paw was 5.5 inches across and he measured about 72 inches long. He was truly a big, big very naughty boy.

They medicated his eyes and wrapped them with a cloth since the sedation would keep him from blinking, pulled a tooth to check his age, took a hair sample to document his DNA and then tagged his ear so they’d recognize him if he caused trouble again. Because three strikes you’re out. I may or may not have silently told Mr. Bear he wouldn’t get another chance at our house. I was going to learn how to load a gun if I saw him in our yard again. If you are a bear, you don’t mess with my kitchen windows or food sources inside the house and you don’t make me nervous about having kids in the yard without repercussion.

And then everyone got in a line and had a quick turn touching him and posing for a picture. The bear’s respirations were getting less shallow and it was time to get him back in his cage. Which also meant it was time for the crowd to leave because the next part should go like clockwork, but it was unpredictable.

What happened next was supposed to be the dramatic part of the day and actually turned out to be way shorter and sweeter (for the bear) than I expected. The remnant of us hung out around his cage and he was given meds to help him wake up. Once he was truly awake, he got poked at to make sure he was good and awake. He really wasn’t happy. His ear was hurting. His mouth was hurting. He was probably kind of confused if I don’t miss my guess because drugs do that. And then he said all children and unborn children had to go inside. Bummer! David was allowed to stay at his own risk and was planning to get a video of what happened next so we could show everyone at camp since they had to leave. In the excitement, he pushed the wrong button and got nothing!

I dutifully went inside and watched them spray the bear with pepper spray through the window. As soon as the pepper spray was done I sneaked out to the deck to get pictures but I was too late. What I thought would take two minutes took less than ten seconds. They lined up on either side and on top of the trap with “slammers” (rubber pellets and koosh balls) and “bangers” (fireworks that got shot over his head) and then opened the door. By the time I got out and got my camera to focus, the bear was at the edge of the woods! Interestingly, they’d turned the trap away from the house before releasing it and he still emerged and ran straight down through our back yard the way he’d come. Clearly he is way too familiar with the territory!

Did it work? You decide. We haven’t seen him since. But that very night he showed up in the neighbor’s yard about 1/2 mile from our house. They saw him every night for a few nights after that. He’s definitely not afraid of people and houses, just our house.

Less than two weeks later, we saw a black bear at the edge of our yard eating watermelon rind we’d thrown out. We’ve been keeping the trash barrel in the garage ever since the bear trouble started in April and most of our food scraps go in there. But watermelon rind is heavy and messy so we threw it outside. Our mouths dropped open as we stood on the deck and watched him eat. It wasn’t the same bear. No yellow tag. He didn’t look quite as big. And he had a bit more brown on his snout. Still! How did we suddenly have two bears in such close proximity! And this one wasn’t nearly as scared of us, coming out in broad daylight instead of watching our movements and coming when we were inside or gone.

Around 7 that evening I sent Liam out with a bowl of lemon rinds to dump. In typical Liam fashion he didn’t just take them. He ran. He was past the playhouse in the backyard when he suddenly realized the bear was back for more and they were within fifteen feet of each other! His trip back up the hill to the front porch was on wings as he gasped, “the bear is back.” I grabbed my camera and this time David and the kids walked around the outside to the back deck to avoid the very squeaky patio door. I walked through the yard, determined to get a good picture since he was so fearless. I snapped, walked closer, snapped. When he lifted his head I went motionless. Sure enough, he put his head back down for another bite of juicy watermelon rind. I sneaked just past the garage and snapped another picture as he lifted his head. I don’t know if he smelled me or heard the shutter click, but he decided that was enough and turned to amble off.

I realize it’s only June, but I’m quite sure this is likely to be one of my favorite shots of 2016.

Meanwhile, I’m quite fine with the fact that he hasn’t shown up again.

I’ll be even more fine if the almost seven foot black snake on our front porch the following Wednesday NEVER slithers within my sight again.

Wildlife is cool. But not on my porch and not in my kitchen.

The end.

Baseball

By Michelle May 27, 2016 Adam, homeschool, Liam, life No Comments

We were thrilled to discover there is a Little League team in our tiny town this year. I’d been wishing for a way to get the boys involved in something more active since we homeschool; but wasn’t willing to look at a long drive on top of a super busy season. But ten minutes from our house for practice and home games? Cha ching! It’s been such a good experience for them to get to play on a team. I’m sure that’s a good thing for everyone, but with where we live, it’s even more important. At first when camp was small they were sometimes allowed to play with staff games. It wasn’t ideal because they were always up and against adults, but at least they got a little bit of practice in. More and more since camp is growing and other people from the community are invited, they tend to get sidelined instead of allowed to play which means they get almost no chance at organized sports. It was so GOOD to see them be able to play a game consistently enough to hone skills and to do it with kids their own size. They’re learning a lot of discipline and team dynamics and having fun doing it.

I’m not sure exactly what I was expecting. I know I was hoping the boys would have fun and that they’d get along well with their coaches and team mates. I think I also hoped I wouldn’t get frustrated with the crazy schedule and that I wouldn’t get too bored. 😉 I had no idea I’d actually like it so much. Is it crazy? Yes. With two boys on two different teams we’ve had up to eight practice / games in one week. Our evenings and some Saturdays are almost exclusively devoted to getting out the door and heading to a game. But it’s just a season and it’s a short one. The two things that surprised me most was that it it’s so much fun to watch them play! It’s always disappointing when their games happen on the same night and we have to miss out on one child’s game. The other thing that’s been so much fun is getting to know a few parents in the community. I feel like I’m making friends, not just attending baseball games, which has been a really perk in my sometimes isolated world. Sometimes I think it’s a study in human dynamics and diversity, but mostly it’s about friendship. 😉

Oh, and of course, the nachos. Can’t forget the nachos. Pretty sure there is a direct order line for in utero service and the order is always the same. Nachos with plenty of cheese, please. I took a little tumble last night and didn’t think it was anything to worry about, but the midwife insisted on an ultrasound today to rule out placental abruption. Everything looked great and baby is measuring a little above average. I think we’ll just plan on not needing too many newborn size diapers and blame it on the nachos.

Adam has been playing first base and catcher and loving it! Sports aren’t his first love. He likes playing with friends, but tends to gravitate toward a book or fishing in his free time. He wanted to sign up, but was lacking the exuberance that nearly had Liam bouncing off the walls. It was really fun to see him get more and more excited about it after a few practices. One of his coaches told him he’s really good. He thinks he could go on into the majors (Oh, the nice things coaches say. Adam is very average.) Adam said, “Nah, I’d rather do construction.” 🙂

Liam plays third base. He’s loving baseball, but dreams a lot about soccer. It’s so interesting to see how kids grow up in the same family with such unique interests. Adam was obsessed with trucks growing up; Liam mostly played with them to be with Adam. Adam is passionate about reading, but will sometimes opt to play some kind of ball with Liam. Liam has wings in his feet and springs in his arms. He is constantly dribbling a ball in the house and shooting imaginary hoops. If Adam won’t play with him, he’ll practice soccer moves on his own. He often asks to go running and will run for up to thirty minutes … on the road if he’s allowed or around the perimeter of the property if he’s not. He’s fast, agile, and has amazing endurance. The other day Adam and Liam both decided to run a mile and a half and it was Liam who would wait on Adam to catch up and then finally dashed on home. You can almost feel his happiness when he gets to speed around the bases.

Liam’s team is significantly weaker than most of the teams they play against. While a lot of moms say their kids don’t care, Liam was pretty disappointed. They’ve been losing left and right, sometimes by a margin of 15-20 points. It’s given us a lot of chances to talk about loss and about doing your best. Even more, we talked a lot about personal growth and how sometimes that’s just as important to think about as team growth. He’s learned a lot this season. He’s always been good at catching and throwing, but he’s getting more consistent with batting and he’s learning a lot about baseball plays. Somehow, I think he’s learning important things about life he doesn’t even realize. Sometimes I wish his mom absorbed life lessons as easily as he does.

Hats off to Little League coaches (and support staff) who spend hours behind the scenes who volunteer their time to encourage kids and help them learn to give it everything they’ve got.