Saturday February 23, 2008
I feel grief. Recently I made a new friend on xanga named, Gloria. She caught my attention first about the time she realized she was carrying twins and was diagnosed with Twin Twin Transfusion Syndrome. Our baby’s due dates are one day apart. If you’ve been reading my site for more then a year you probably remember my sister Beth’s babies being diagnosed with the same thing.
Gloria’s case was even more serious and she was sent for surgery. The bigger baby died a few days later and now she had another ultrasound and they are giving the small baby no chance to live. Visit her here. I keep crying. To lose two babies would not be easy. To lose them after such a fight for their life and putting your own at risk would be worse. To lose one baby and continue to carry it while hoping and hoping the other baby would pull through and then to hear this news would be devastating.
Last Sunday our Sunday School lesson was in Romans 8. And, of course, we discussed the familiar 8:28 verse.
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
I listened to the ladies discuss this verse and how it is true for every area in our lives. Inside, I shivered a little remembering the depth of my emotional pain in our infertility not even a year ago. Even though I knew in my head that this verse is true, it’s hard to believe in the middle of something so painful. “Why would a God who celebrates children withold them?” Why would that not be His will? I knew that God is good. That He is love. But why then was there so much pain in the world? In my world? I came to realize in a limited way that my definition of good and God’s definition of good are not always synonomous. I see “good” as things we perceive to be good…things that bring me pleasure instead of pain. Like love. a relationship as opposed to rejection. stable, trustworthy parents. friendships that give meaning to our life instead of hurt. and yes, children.
As I listened more to women talking about how they accept this truth in their life, I had a pretty strong hunch it wasn’t always as easy in the moment as they were making it sound in Sunday School. I refuse to believe I’m that abnormal. My question, the one I couldn’t verbalize because I was crying too hard already, is this, “How do we share this truth with people who are in the moment of pain?” Because it is life-giving truth. But it is a stab wound into an already devastated heart when it is thrown at someone in the flippant way we throw words around when we are so desperate to offer bandaids. I didn’t realize I would come face to face with that question before the week was out.
I found some healing when we backed up into verses 26 and 27.
Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God.
God understands when our cry is too deep for words. When we reach out to Him from the depths of painful silence, from the storm of sobs that leaves us unable to verbalize, His Spirit translates for us.
I think God wants us to make intercession for fellow believers in the same way. Perhaps our too frequent dilemna of, “but I don’t know what to say” is a gift from God that we try to shy away from because we do not want to feel that depth of pain. Instead we should go there. Feel the pain. And then like the Spirit go to God with groanings which cannot be uttered. Flippancy is never comforting whether you’ve experienced something similar or not. Care is. And when we care in the manner the Spirit does, we will not use Romans 8:28 in the wrong way.
And Gloria, if you read this post, know that I am praying that you would be surrounded with comforters.
intense grief is a very difficult thing to understand, and I don’t think we will ever fully understand what all is behind it in this life…I recently wrote some thoughts down on xanga, and then took them off, not sure if I was right, and not wanting to doubt the sovereignty of our Almighty God….but I still think there are things that happen to us that are results of this sin cursed world that we live in…I had a stillborn baby…a cord problem…was that the hand of God?? or a result of nature and imperfections around us…I do believe that God allowed it to happen for whatever reason, and since I don’t know, and will never know why in this life, I have to leave it with Him. And as that verse says “all things work together for good”…God did bring good out of that sad situation, and I know one thing, He was right there beside us through it all, never leaving us for one second.
God is not the author of sickness, death, heartache, but He has promised to be with us, no matter what comes our way, and He uses these things that come our way to make us stronger, “refined by the fire”, jewels of the Lord~
Some really good “struggle” going on Michelle. I think you are so right….our definition of “good” versus God’s definition! Keep on caring in the Spirit – I can feel your caring heart even through your posts! Bless you…
Thank you!
Good Thoughts!! I am so thankful that the Spirit makes intercession for us when we can’t. It is so hard when we see others hurting, even when we ourselves are hurting, to reach out and try to understand and bring them before the throne. The rewards are worth the effort and risk of getting out of our comfort zone! Thanks for sharing! It was an excellent reminder and food for thought.
Glad you are feeling better! 🙂
I totally agree w/ chambray7. God is NOT the author of suffering, but as long as we live in a world of sin, we are not exempt from it. I often wonder though how people who do not know God personally can survive some of the storms we face. Yes, we cry and wonder WHY?? but yet there is always the down deep peace that “we sorrow not as those who have no hope.” One thing I have been struggling with is trusting God with my children. When we were in the process of buying the business last month, it was so easy for me to have faith that God is in control and whatever happens, that is what HE wants for us. But just yesterday morning on the way to church, I was so convicted that if I can trust Him for something so perishable, WHY do I fret and worry about my children and their future so much!?! Then to top it off, the message was on total Faith in our awesome God. Okay God, I’m going to have to say this, “Help Thou my unbelief!”
I’m so glad you got help for your back pain. Constant pain can color the world so BLUE!
Wow. Thank you for that.
“I think God wants us to make intercession for fellow believers in the same way. Perhaps our too frequent dilemna of, “but I don’t know what to say” is a gift from God that we try to shy away from because we do not want to feel that depth of pain. Instead we should go there. Feel the pain. And then like the Spirit go to God with groanings which cannot be uttered. Flippancy is never comforting whether you’ve experienced something similar or not. Care is. And when we care in the manner the Spirit does, we will not use Romans 8:28 in the wrong way.”
Amen, and amen, Michelle! And it seems only those who have suffered well, allowing themselves to feel the depths of their own pain and accepting God’s comfort, are able to “go there” and care meaningfully. That is what God intends– for us to comfort others with the comfort we ourselves have received (II Cor. 1).
I don’t claim to have this question of suffering figured out, but one thing we are guaranteed as Christians is that we will suffer. It’s how God goes about the work of purging and perfecting us, changing us into His glory. I recently “discovered” I Peter 1:12&13, and I love those verses! I love that am promised that if I allow suffering to do its work, God’s glory will be revealed in me and I will have tremendous joy in time. I have to believe that, or my pain would do me in. As I limp along, I really want to offer that hope to others who are suffering. And like chambray7 stated, I can be sure that no matter whether I recognize Him or not, God is with me through every fiery trial. What more do I want?