Saturday November 26, 2011
Our life is on the verge of changing in more ways than I can count. David has been asked to work at Allegany Boys Camp (read more about it here) as family worker. It’s been two months and sometimes I still can’t quite grasp it all. But after the interview Monday night and unanimous approval from the board, it feels somewhat official.
Some days I am so excited I wish we could move next month instead of waiting til next summer. I love the ministry of camp. I am beyond excited to see David function in this world because he is not only talented in working with people, his heart and passion are at camp. I know the opposite is usually true when people go into ministry of some sort, but I think we are actually going to have more time for our family there than we do here. But most of all, it has been so exciting to see God show us where He is leading. Ever since January we’ve felt this burning inside us. The feeling that God was preparing us for something. The unrest with life as we knew it. The feeling that there could be so much more to life than what we were living. A growing longing to get involved with people and to make a difference in their lives. Sometimes it was just there. Sometimes it felt like so much heaviness. Because it is hard to feel like you’re moving into something not knowing what that something is. What if I don’t like where this is taking us?
So when Chief Brian called that Thursday in September and left a message on David’s voice mail, I knew. I just knew. I didn’t even tell David, I just bugged and bugged and bugged him to call back. To a measure, the “knowing” felt like relief. It feels so different than the time two years ago when we were asked to go to Bald Eagle Boys Camp in Pennsylvania.
Other days, I’m dreading it. When the two of us sat down together and talked straight about the decision instead of just throwing comments around, we made a list of pros and cons. My list of cons were so embarrassing I didn’t really want to show it to God. Embarrassing or not, it doesn’t make them less hard or less real. I feel incredibly grateful to God for those months of getting us ready. In a lot of ways, he changed my heart before he asked me to give things up. Things I’d have been kicking and screaming about two years ago (like homeschooling), are almost a non-issue now. Other things are still big issues.
Probably one of the hardest things of all isn’t even what we’re giving up but the way we have to hold it all so loosely. The not knowing kills me.
We can’t go unless the house sells. It’s going to take a miracle to sell our house in a market that has been crawling and pretty much come to a complete stop. It is a horrible, horrible time to sell a house even if it does sell. We’ve lost huge numbers from our first appraisal to the current one because of the economic plunge. It’s not one bit fun to think about selling the house we dreamed of and worked for in so many hard, labor-intensive, given-up-vacation ways …. but it’s even less fun to think that we would be further ahead financially had we never built it. So much for sweat equity.
That means we will spend our next months getting ready to go. Preparing ourselves mentally and physically and emotionally. But in the end, we could end up not being able to go. Weird? Yes. True? Yes. Exciting? Yes. Sad? Yes.
Also unlike most mission things people do at our church, this isn’t a two or maybe three year commitment. It’s long term. So it’s a minimum of two years (the escape plan if it doesn’t work for them or for us) with the expectation of long term. This is a life change. Not a we can do this for two years change.
I wish that I could wrap this all up neatly saying how thrilled I am and how it is all just so worth it. Some days it really is. But I’d be lying if I said I could always see it. David says he thinks he better have me sign a paper saying I’m going voluntarily. The men all laughed when I told them that in the interview. “What, so he can pull it out and remind you,” Brian asked. Nope, because he thinks he better post it on the bathroom wall!
But really, it’s not about whether camp matches me (or even David who looks like the perfect match) and what I like or what and where I thrive. It’s about where we’re going. Just days after being asked I read II Timothy 1:9 Who hath saved us, and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace, which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began.
That’s what I really need on our bathroom wall.
Just from the brief time I spent with you and from knowing you online, my heart affirms the rightness of this. From the excitement, to the huge sacrifices (house!), the restlessness to the knowing you are called with a holy calling, the misgivings to the knowing this fits your husband’s and your gifts, it all has a deep sense of RIGHTNESS. Bravo, blessings, vaya con Dios.
Wow! sounds huge and an awesome calling! Blessings~Janeen
Can you tell me where your home is located? I may have read that somewhere in your blog at one time or another but I don’t know where it is…however, it looks so perfect and I have always loved seeing the photos of your home, both inside and out. My husband and I are empty nesters….we have no family in our area so we are not tied to where we are living (in OH), now. Please e-mail me.
@Dee Lakes – I will happily message you, but I need your email address.
love the honesty, girl. one thing I am sure of is that you will be an enormous blessing there. go with God…He will lead the way even when it all seems impossible.
@dorcassmucker –
@thegrabertribe –
Can I just say, THANK YOU, for the gracious words. Affirmation, especially on days like today, mean so, so much more then I can tell you.
Wow! What a big step! A couple from our church just committed to going to Bald Eagle. It’s sad to see people go, but when you know that is where their heart is and they would do an excellent job at it (which sounds like your husband also) – all you can say is ‘God bless!’
Wow! wow. I’m so shallow, but I cannot imagine having to leave my nice new house that was built for me by my husband. PTL that you are willing to go where He leads. God bless you as you make the plans to move and try to sell your house. I’m sure you guys will be a wonderful asset to the boy’s camp.
Wow, what a calling. I know you guys will be great there, you too, not just David. 🙂 We can never see the complete big picture in our small minds, but I pray someday you’ll see how much good you did for a young boys life and that it will make all the “giving up” worth it. Praying for you!
Can’t wait to have y’all here. You talk about giving things up – I am finding out that God is giving things back to me that I thought I had to give up. You know what – those things are better than what I gave up. He knows the desires of your heart and He delights in giving them to you if you continue to trust Him.
Michelle. I am so encouraged to read about what God is doing in your lives, where he is leading you and how he is using you! I am blessed by your willingness to follow! I identify with what you’re saying here so much because my husband and I are so much in that stage of “unrest”. We feel very much like we’re on the brink of something and it scares me and excites me all at the same time. Somedays I just wish that I would know what it is! I think it is so neat how God prepares us in so many big and small ways for the work that he is calling us to. I am very, very, very supportive of long term ministry plans. It is exciting to see you all thinking beyond the typical 2 yr. vs stint. Anyway. Blessings and much grace to you!
God bless you for this, Michelle. It blessed me to read how you’re willing to change your whole lives to follow His plan for you. I hope the sense of His leading is strong for you in the coming months.
I can so relate to the part about needing to sing a paper saying you did this voluntarily. Ha. Sometimes I think I should have signed something like that before we came to Ireland. Let’s just say Gabriel has had to remind me that I came willingly, more than once!
Again, many rich blessings to you!
oh,Michelle! Sounds so very exciting! And yes, I am kinda jealous =) Joe is a wonderful lady, and I know you would love her… Blessings to you!
I’m sure you guys will do a amazing job. May God Bless you.
wow. this is huge for you, but Abraham went in faith. God will direct you through each thing as you come to it.
I so identify with your second paragraph. I haven’t blogged much about our own feelings because I’m not sure how it would be taken. We’re not dissatisfied; we just feel like there HAS to be MORE for our family but we’re not sure where or what or when or how. Somehow I feel like your post hasn’t even scratched the surface of the depth of emotions and the roller coaster ride of faith & doubt that you’re on right now.
When I was in Puerto Rico, there was a family who had moved there just after finishing their dream home. They sold it & left..and although it was hard (I could see that when they talked about it), the fact that they were confident of God’s call gave them the peace & joy to let the house go. Twelve years later, the parents are still in P.R. and have impacted the lives of many by their ministry there. Worth giving up a dream home? Oh, yeah. God’s dreams for our lives are SO MUCH MORE than what our own could be!!
I am so excited for you as I read this, and maybe a little envious, too. You will be in my prayers in the weeks ahead.
i can’t help it. i am just so excited about this. and not just because i immediately thought of how much closer you’ll be to…ME! maybe 3 hours instead of 5? how self-focused is that? 😉
but because while i’ve never met david, and you only one time *so far*…it fits. it does. that there’s more feeling you/me/we have is because…there IS! i love how HE gave that verse to you. * i needed it right now myself. holding THAT tightly…enabling my hands to open to HIS.*
much love to you my friend.
Thank God for that last verse you mentioned! You probably will need that on your bathroom wall and maybe every wall in your house some days but remember if God is in it , it’ll be ok 🙂
Wow, Michelle! Will pray for you…for rest for your heart, and that it would all work out in God’s time! Blessings!
You will be a huge blessing there! God will work out all the details 🙂 I know the feeling of a house not worth what it was once… I will pray you can sell it for a good price even so. Our God is greater than we are!
I can understand what you are saying about wanting to know exactly what is going to happen and when and how. That part would be hard for me too.
I do think it is awesome how God puts this yearning and restlessness within us to help us to move along on the journey He has planned for us. And I have no doubt you both will do great in this new ministry God is calling you to.
My feeling is that the house will miraculously sell.
This is really amazing. I love your honesty…..and I’m sure the selling the house has a lot of emotions tied up in it. Sometimes a person has to wonder…why did we do this or that…because it makes no sense later on…except perhaps GOD had a GOOD reason for taking us through that little side road detour on the main freeway…..wish you all the best and God’s perfect timing in it all. And where are you relocating to?
Michelle, it might not make much difference in the fate of the nations whether or not I tell you this, but I just have to say, I am so spirit-glad for you! Not in an unrealistic, piece-o’-cake sort of sense, but in that it is so unspeakably precious to know that God is. LEADING. YOU! Yeah, there will probably be a lot of tough days when you wanna hide under your bed with a year’s stock of kleenex and never see another soul, but I’m so excited about what God’s gonna do in and through you through all this, on the good, abundant days, and the “no way I can do this” days. 🙂 Blessings, with all my heart, and hugs!
Oh Michelle! How exciting and scary and everything in one! That heaviness, that knowing that something big is coming up, but wondering just what it might be… this has been an incredibly stretching year for us as well, and I have a feeling even more changes are in the near future. Wishing you the very best as you wait on the Lord to work out all the details. May He gently lead you through all the cons and give you peace. I would LOVE to sit down and talk with you about this!
Many blessings to you, Michelle, as you prepare for this move. I’m very, very excited for you, especially since we were just looking at pictures of Fairplay Boys Camp with Phil & Lisa Hollinger tonight.The work that is going on at all the camps is so greatly needed. You, know, God can so easily move that mountain of selling your home! Let me share our story. When asked to go to Cherry Creek, SD, we decided to visit the rez before we gave our answer. While in Cherry Creek, God made it very plain to us that this is where He wants us to be. As we drove back to Pa, our hearts were rejoicing yet we felt like we were facing a huge mountain. Our house needed to be sold and Merv’s new truck also had to go. Within two hours of arriving home and not yet having told the board of our decision, Merv received a call from someone who had been looking at our house while we were gone. He informed us he wanted the house, a price was agreed upon and the house was sold….without us doing a thing!! The next day, a friend called Merv and told him if we’re moving to Cherry Creek, he wants to buy his truck!! God is still in the miracle business. I’m praying for you and your family.
I LOVE your last verse. I hope it can see you through saying goodbye to your lovely house and the days when homeschooling gets hairy. Blessings!!
I hope you know how PROUD I am of you, and how much I believe in you, and that this is the right thing for you. You know how it is in the upside-down kingdom–when you think you can’t do something, then is when it’s time to do it.
I don’t know you but after reading the post you wrote about camp (when ABC doesn’t mean alcohol) I remember thinking that they would be lucky to have you on staff. You seem to have caught the heart of camp and you being an active part of the decision to go makes me feel like you will be a great fit for camp as well as your husband. Chief Mac and Lois are some faithful pillars in camp (from Cameron Camp) and I always loved how they seemed to operate as a team. There seemed to be such strength in the way that they worked together and both believed passionately in what God had called them to do.
We did kind of the opposite of what you’re doing, started out in camp and then left when my husband went back to school. It was painful for me to pull roots out of a place I dearly loved and yet I feel like God nurtured me through transplanting shock and eventually gave me a heart for the different work He had for us. I wish you lots of grace and peace through the many changes coming up for you.
May you be blessed abundantly as you embark on this new chapter! God doesn’t do things half way. He has a plan and your house won’t stop it. We sold our house a year and half ago when everyone said there was no way. We even received our asking price! When God says move, he is faithful to move us. 🙂
Oh my. Prayers going up for you…
What an exciting adventure the Lord is leading you on but I’m sure it’s full of scary parts as well, but HE will work out all the details in His time. Praying His leading & desires would be made clear to you. What a blessing & asset you will both be in the lives of the boys at camp. Blessings to you & your family as you make this big change.
What an exciting adventure for your family. Scary, too, no doubt, but I just think its so neat to see God leading families to do things like this. We did it for 2 years, too, and it was the best 2 years of our lives. So many treasured memories and so worth the apprehension. GOD BLESS YOU abundantly… Go with God. Prayers and hugs to you as you go from here and praying your house sells.
I know you had told me this before, but the long-term part really hit me when I read this. : / And so while I was agreeing with you about some of the sacrifices before I just understand it all the more now. Just before we moved I cut out a picture that I thought looked like your classic style of decorating to give you an idea for your [last Christmas] there, and of course I can’t find it since we moved. 🙁 But I’m thinking that would feel kind of like a sad last.
I don’t know you but I have followed your blog some. I could totally feel with you on the journey you are on!! We are at NYP and have been for 6mths but you story of how it all happen sounds just like ours!! It is so wonderful to be so at peace about where we are!! We have made a 2 year commitment not a long term commitment. Any but we normally live 45 min. away from Allegheny Boys Camp so maybe I will just get to meet you sometime. 🙂
Trina
So interesting how God moves us and works in and through us. And yet we want to be so attached to things like houses. Me too. So sentimental. God bless you. And I will pray that your house sells, God can take care of that.
oh, i get the excited/scared to death all at the same time part~ been there. and actually, alot of days.. still feel i’m there. that whole trusting thing, not knowing. yeah. not a fan! but where would faith be needed if it were all clear, eh? so. feeling all that right with you. but then. that last part.. the verse you wrote. gulp. conviction and thinking i need a tattoo of it somewhere on my body, not just the bathroom wall. 😉
the flip side of the emotional part of trusting and letting go and holding it all loosely is that i think it’s such a cool opportunity~ just the bit you’ve told us here about the camp. wow. what a ministry! and i can see where you both would be a perfect fit.
gonna be anxiously waiting out this one with you, friend. knowing God’s already gone before and ordained every single step you’re about to take on this journey..
love ya.