Sunday November 8, 2009
Some time I want to go out with a few friends for an evening and encounter only polite, friendly people. All day every day it seems, I am reminding two little people to remember to say “please”, or “remember to wait until daddy is finished talking”, or “can you say excuse me”? So when I get to go out with grown-ups, I expect them to practice good manners without me wishing to remind them.
A few months ago around the end of August (I think), three girlfriends and I managed to get away for an evening out. We had fantastic food at Cafe Europa and talked non-stop until they closed at 8:30. Not nearly done talking, we headed to Barnes and Noble for coffee and found an empty corner with huge arm chairs. There were people in the store; but it was surprisingly uncrowded. We dived right back into conversation where we’d left off.
You have to understand that I (and most of the other girls) r.a.r.e.l.y get out like this. I’m not sure why because none of our husbands seem to mind at all. In fact, I think they rather like the energized wives that return. Maybe it’s just a bad case of unnecessary mom guilt. Who knows. Whatever the reason, it had been months and months and months since I’d been out of the house with friends, sans kids. 
We’d barely been there five minutes when a middleaged man walked by, threw us a few sideways glances, and moved on to the next aisle where I could tell he was trying desperately to eavesdrop. Normally I wouldn’t have noticed but the look he gave us as he passed by made me keep an eye on him. Apparently he couldn’t hear quite well enough because what do you know, he came back and plopped down on a chair IN OUR CIRCLE without so much as a by your leave. He pretended virtuously to be reading his book; but he was clearly faking. We rolled our eyes at each other and tried to continue our conversation; but it felt forever stilted. There were plenty of empty chairs all around the store. WHAT was the idea??? I really, really, really wanted to say, “Are you always this rude?” but didn’t want to embarrass my friends so I refrained. After what seemed like forever he got up as though to leave, smiled a funny smile at us, and moved back to the next aisle. We thought we were safe only to see him come back with another book and sit down to fake read some more. 
I have grown somewhat accustomed to getting strange looks simply because I am Mennonite and obviously stick out in a crowd. But this was fascination gone a little too far for my comfort. When he stood and turned his back the next time, I signaled to the girls and we slipped off to the completely deserted children’s section. So let’s just see if he has the nerve to come join us a third time. Janelle excused herself to use the restroom and the rest of us were merrily giggling away, trying to figure out what could have possibly been so amusing to him. I mean really. He must live a boring life if the conversation of four housewives is enough to make him act like that. All of a sudden, Emily looked up to see a man’s face (different one this time) peering over the dividing wall at us. “oh, uh, good evening” he stammered. Thirty seconds later Janelle rounded the corner her face flushed with suppressed laughter. “Did you know there was a man standing up on something peering over the wall at y’all? He got down just as I was getting out and looked all sheepish and ran off.” Uh, yeah, we caught him.
Thursday night I got to go out for coffee again. Every year Edenali takes their employees out for a Christmas supper. This year we ladies offered to plan and host a formal dinner. Since the five of us getting together means there will also be nine kids (or eleven if school is over for the day) and moms will be jumping up like popcorn, we opted to have our planning meeting in the evening when the dads could do childcare. All went well and we were having a great time in a deserted Starbucks until I got out my camera to take a few pictures. Immediately a head popped over the counter, “We don’t allow flash photography here.” I was dumbfounded but apologized, told him I had no idea, and turned off my flash. They kept throwing us cold looks all evening long and clearly informed us when it was ten minutes to closing time without any politeness. We walked out and all four said, “don’t think I’ll be coming back here anytime soon.” I looked up the Starbucks website the next day and found absolutely nothing about flash photography. I called the manager who said it is forbidden because everything down to the paint color is trademarked; “but I usually let it go when it looks innocent which it sounds like you were.” She apologized for the cold mannerisms. I rarely get to a store that has such poor PR that when I do, it always takes me for a ride. Why would you work somewhere like that if you don’t enjoy being friendly? We went next door to McDonalds where everyone was super friendly. Do I like McDonalds better then Starbucks. Of course not. That’s a no-brainer. But where would I opt to go if given the option between those two? McDonalds. Why do businesses not get that figured out?
The next time I get to go out, I think I’ll just go to the park.
That’s hilarious about that guy coming and sitting right with you guys and “fake reading.” I don’t know if I would have had the nerve either, to say something to him, but I wish that I would. I agree about the customer service thing. I mean, you’re running a business here…so do you want more business or not? I mean, think about it? And, by the way, I think that if you have a group of friends who likes to go out and you all have husband’s that are willing to keep the kids…by all means, you should do it more often! Very interesting post!
Wow, how snotty! I called a restaurant here about doing a photoshoot there and they were like, “Of course! We always welcome people to take pictures of themselves and others having a good time and our restaurant and sharing them with their friends.” And they have way more cool, original decor.
you should have told him to piss off 😀
I always love your writing
you really break the traditional housewife stereotype :p
You know, i don’t blame that guy for thinking you’re fascinating. Reading this made me want to sit in your circle too.
How rude! So it’s not just our children that need help with manners….next time you’ll want to stay home with them instead!\”/
you should have just said, all of sudden, looking at him, ” do you have anything to add?” i thought the guys peeking over into the children’s section was HILARIOUS. do tell, what DO you talk about?
the starbucks story? disheartening. i mean, come on, where is common sense and good manners in this world?
Funny, funny, funny. You think you like cities? You ought to try living in NYC for awhile. Rude doesn’t even begin to describe the service here. You would think I’d get used to it after awhile, but I never do. And the other customers? Fugeduboutit. (say that one with a Brooklyn accent if you don’t get it.) Yesterday I took a handicapped lady grocery shopping. You would think that people would at least be courteous to someone with a walker. Think again. And earlier this week, when I went shopping at Sears, and was waiting forever in the bathroom for the handicapped stall to open up so I could get it with the stroller, I, in one of those embarrassing freak accidental moments, managed to catch the eye of the lady in the handicapped stall through the crack. I quickly averted my eyes. After she got done (FINALLY!!!!) I did my thing, and when I came out, she was waiting for me and laid into me for looking at her, telling me how rude I was. Good grief. I wanted to tell her how rude she was, a completely whole and unhandicapped person, with no large suitcases or strollers, for using the handicapped stall and taking so ridiculously long, but I coughed it back and just apologized instead. Oh shoot. Let us be polite to all we meet in spite of the urges otherwise.
What a freak…..(freaks)! It was still worth it! 🙂
@twofus_1 –
Wish I could send that comment straight to Starbucks. It would have helped at least a little if the manager’s apology would have felt sincere. I do not like THAT Starbucks.
@dorcassmucker –
Except that if you come and sit in my circle I want you to talk b/c you ALWAYS make me laugh (at least if I can restrain myself from peppering you with a million questions I have about publishing right now)
@mlt10202002 –
Do you have any idea how funny you are? I wish I were half that witty. I’m still laughing at the “Do you have anything to add?” comment. I think part of what got us into trouble was that we were discussing vaccinations, allergies, and immune systems at that moment. 😛
@lazonya75 –
Well, ok, then. I’ll just come visit. David and I just talked about it yesterday on the way home from church and decided maybe we could go when our youngest child is 5. 🙂
Can you imagine what he repeated to his buddies:))
Ok, is there something about coffee and rude people that mix??!! lol We had an experience as well. The sneaky man was indeed “different”!! About then I think we would have all switched over to dutch…..:) The idea of asking him if he wanted to add to the conversation would have been GREAT!!! lol
This post was fascinating to say the least. I can’t imagine those two guys being so rude… and then Starbucks??? What in the world?
Guess they sure weren’t exercising the “true” southern -warm-friendly-amiable charm!
I’m wistfully thinking of a night out again…and hoping the next one will be with my man! But, I truuuly do love the girl’s night out too, and am hoping for more of those this winter!
When is your book being published? You did get acceptance, right? Will you make it available to all of us fans? =)
have a good week……….
@clearlyhis –
the book is currently at the printers. And you better believe I’ll be “making them available.” 🙂
That was just too funny,about that man trying to listen in on your conversation!!
you know, I also had someone in Starbucks tell me we could not take pictures in their shoppe! How bizarre! I still think they should have a sign up to that effect; how is one to know?