The Gift of Time
A lot of people say they are busy and they are. I said it all the time. But you have no idea how much choice plays into that busy until you no longer have it. Most of the time, we choose our lives. Those activities and schedules we think we “have” to do. They’re choice.
When it all gets stripped away, you realize you had a choice. Obligations are still options.
This week I’ve been choosing to incorporate as many fun things as possible since it’s Liam’s best break week. Last time he had a break everything went crazy. He had a neutropenic admission and Zara had general anesthesia to get teeth capped at the dentist.
This week, it’s been possible to choose.
I chose to let go of the guilt of intentionally leaving my children again. My spirit had seen such lows and I was beginning to internalize what was happening far too much. My shoulders were so painful from tension that I didn’t dare to see a massage therapist. I woke every morning with severe jaw pain from clenching my teeth through the night when I couldn’t consciously remind myself to relax. I was going to have to take care of myself if I wanted to continue to care for anyone else.
It was a precious week. Tuesday night a took pictures of David’s brother and family. Wednesday afternoon my friend Rosy came and helped me pull weeds and clean up outside. That evening I went out for dinner with my friend, Rhoda. Thursday evening I took baby pictures on my front porch since I didn’t want to leave the kids again. The girls happily played peekaboo over my shoulder to make Grayson laugh. And Friday night, David and I got a date night! We get so little time together these days and nights!
Today I was reading Psalms and our situation seemed so similar to the Israelites at the Red Sea. We are literally at the brink of surgery. It should be happening right now. But we can’t get the doors to open.
Our fathers when they were in Egypt, did not consider your wondrous works; they did not remember the abundance of your steadfast love, but rebelled by the sea, at the Red Sea.
Yet he saved them for his name’s sake, that he might make known his mighty power.
He rebuked the Red Sea, and it became dry, and he led them through the deep as through a desert.
So he saved them from the hand of the foe and redeemed them from the power of the enemy. And the waters covered their adversaries; not one of them was left.
Then they believed his words; they sang his praise. Psalm 107:7-12
I think that Red Sea is going to crack wide open before long — and just in the nick of time.