Thursday
August 13. Some days just feel so branded in my head. August 5. Biopsy. August 12. Biopsy results. It feels like another huge day because it is.
Liam, Harrison, and I headed in for his PET scan to see if the cancer had spread anywhere else. I was pretty sure I wasn’t supposed to be taking Harrison along because of Covid, but I didn’t ask. I just took him. It was the first time back with Liam on crutches.
I had a backpack, was pushing Harrison, and trying to help Liam navigate in and out of the car. We were running a little later than I wished and arrived at radiology in the nick of time only to be told this was supposed to be at radiology in the building across the street. Back out we went, across the street, and around the corner and down the elevator. By this time Liam was tired. He wasn’t allowed to eat anything prior and he was dreading drinking the contrast.
We arrived only to be told we needed to go to the cancer center. That’s when I gave up and asked for a wheelchair. Late or not, Liam had reached his limits. They were all so, so gracious and kind. We have been met with so much kindness from the parking garage to the people screening for Covid to every department we’ve encountered.
Liam went in for his scan and Harrison and I went outside to wander around and wait. David was planning to bring us lunch and head upstairs with us to meet our oncologist, hear the chemo plan, and meet the surgeon who would do the port placement.
Liam was back out, but David couldn’t find us or a place to park because the ladder racks on his truck were too high to fit in the regular garage. We didn’t know about the oversize garage so he parked several streets down and started walking with all the food. Meanwhile, we were running really late for our next appointment. The idea of lunch in the garden vanished and I carried a fussy Harrison while pushing Liam in the wheelchair while Liam balanced his crutches and tried to push the stroller in front of us back up the hill. We were many people’s free entertainment!
Thankfully David arrived soon and rescued us as he always does when we’re in trouble.
That night I had a dream. I saw cancer cells dying and new bone cells ossifying from the margins in. I don’t even know how I knew what they look like, but in my dream I knew that was what I was seeing. When I woke up, the phrase, “More than we can ask or think” was going through my head. I couldn’t figure out where that phrase was coming from and suddenly it hit me. It was from the song God gave me for Liam. “Famous For.” I got covered in goosebumps. God is this what you are asking me to pray for? This doesn’t happen in osteosarcoma.
I knew the answer. And so I pray for a miracle.