Chesed

Thursday November 19, 2009

By Michelle November 19, 2009 Uncategorized 35 Comments

Today I am crying … angry, selfish tears.

I was so excited about Thanksgiving because unlike most menus, I thought the traditional meal sounded like something that Liam could at least eat a little of. If nothing else, he could eat turkey and I can bake a sweet potato for him on the side.

My aunt, Frieda, always makes the turkey when my mom’s family gets together at Thanksgiving and it is always super moist and so yummy. I volunteered to make it this year when David’s family gets together (they rarely eat the traditional Thanksgiving foods since the guys aren’t turkey and mashed potato fans). Today I checked the marinade recipe. Sure enough. Butter. Worse yet, I just found out that most turkeys are dusted in flour during processing.

I feel so angry inside. Why? Why does this have to reach out and affect every single part of our lives? I never knew how much our social life is wrapped around food until Liam showed up with all these allergies. We can’t go to town unless there’s a Chick Fil A close. Even then, he gets a plain, grilled, non-marinaded chicken filet specially made for him and the waffle fries. That’s it. We still don’t dream of traveling out of state. Everything has to be planned for carefully. A spur-of-the-moment “let’s go to Dad’s after church for coffee and ice cream” thing means Liam probably won’t have anything to eat … except maybe marshmallows or certain kinds of chips or strawberries if it happens to be a day he agrees to eating them. A “hey, it’s cold out and cozy in let’s make brownies” inspiration means, “oh, what about Liam?” A shared latte with Adam means Liam gets left out. Finding a babysitter means taking all his food and snacks and drink or then tediously going over the list of cans and can’ts. Can’t we have one thing that just sails through? Just one?

Most of the time it doesn’t feel like a big deal anymore. I cook for him and for us or sometimes substitute for us both. When we just stay home, it’s kind of become routine. I can even go to town and know we’ll be ok as long as there is Chick-Fil-A. And most of the time I am extraordinarily grateful this is food allergies we are dealing with. How minor. Liam’s second cousin has leukemia. They had to hibernate for nearly a year socially compared to my eight weeks. They had family disruption after disruption, missed tons of events, worried all day every day about keeping him away from germs. He is doing so much better now and is on maintenance chemo. Still, they may not be able to come for Thanksgiving because there is chicken pox in our community and chicken pox is still life-threatening for Logan. Tomorrow I will be thanking God because He is so GOOD to me and I am so grateful to only have to deal with taking Liam’s food to the reunion for my happy and healthy little boy.

But today I am crying. I just feel so sad.

35 thoughts on “Thursday November 19, 2009”

  2. psalm150girl

    hey hun – i know exactly what you mean, had that @ home. It stinks, eh? i know it’s possible of course to live like that though, but nevertheless – stinks. lol. anyway, hang in there i’ll be giving you tons of virtual hugs.

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  4. appalolly

    And what I think about is how with a Mother heart…you hate to see your kid have to see others eating stuff he can’t have, all the time.  That would be so hard for me. I would feel so sorry for them. I know he’s only 1 now, but I’m sure already it bothers him if his brother has something and he can’t.  And the thing about thinking about what you are thankful for and how other people have it better than you…well, that only works to a certain extent. Because while it is true, it doesn’t mean that we don’t have to process our own anger and tears.  Its OK to be sad.  Go to God and to the “altar of grief” and I know God will help you find a measure of comfort today!

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  7. yodertime

    Ohhh, not fun, I wish he could be healed miraculously. We have friends that raise turkeys, you want me to have them send you one un flour dusted, then you can marinade it in everything but the butter?

    I can’t imagine food being so hard to make, cry till you feel better, eat a cookie and keep going, you can do it. How does the future look for Liam? Are there possiblities of some of his alergies lessening with time? I sure hope so. 

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  8. smuckers4jesus

    Michelle, I’m so sorry!! You should check with Maynards, surely they don’t dust theirs with flour when they butcher them. I just have no idea what all you go through with his food allergies. I’ll say a prayer for you today.

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  14. teagal

    michelle………..that all sounds very very familiar……..then worse yet….for me….i knew …by their remarks that there were ppl that just “knew” we were off the rocker and if we’d just let her eat it she’d be OK……i got to the place where i didn’t even want to talk about it anymore to anybody cause it was so hurtful….seemed to me nobody understood …except for the ppl that would tell me that they also dealt with the same thing….LOVED those ppl….i’m very very sorry that you’re going through this…i know it’s not like some sickness but it’s terribly unhandy and not fun at all. one thing i did find out is that ppl pitying them really isn’t very helpful….ppl pitied her a lot more than she pitied herself….they get so used to it but then hearing how bad ppl feel for them makes them feel even more odd….oh well…..some ppl mean well but just honestly don’t know..and i will pray for you and Liam.

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  15. shenklanedairy

    My heart goes out to you also, I don’t deal with food allergies but a mama baby pretty much means not going away without him or worrying until you return how things are going. 

    I thought about the fresh turkey from a local farmer as well if one is available. 

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  24. AmyC0987

    wow I never had a glimpse of what it was like to have a family member with serious food allergies until I read this. Thank you for the insight. I am sorry for the pain that you and your family are experiencing and I wish I could help your situation. Know that you have others who are thinking of you.

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  27. sumeoj

    so i’m guessing he’s allergic to gluten? if so, there’s medicine for that (my mom and brother are both allergic to gluten) and there’s also non-gluten flour around

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  29. luvmyfamily75

    Wow, I can’t imagine what all you’ve gone through. I was wondering too if there’s a chance he’ll outgrow any of the allergies.

    P.S. I’m with Christy – I don’t think those tears are selfish.

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  32. dariusnro

    I feel for ya!  I cringe every time….simply b.c that road might just be ahead for me as well w/ Chloe:( I hate to even think about it!  I know the feelings all too well, having been there & done that..ppl don’t quite understand until they’ve actually been thru it themselves.  But thank God for awesome friends who stand by and support you in whatever way they can…sometimes just the sympathizing would make it seem at least bearable!

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