Thursday October 20, 2011
Ten thousand moments dashing around in my brain …. sentences pounding away in one corner, words bouncing off walls, thoughts echoing in cavernous places, wordless, indescribable emotions ……. It’s been a big month here so far. Some of it good. Some of it not. The kind of month that makes you thank God for His grace, a journal, and skype. 
I’m still processing a lot of things and feeling kind of incapable of words anywhere. It’s time for a midnight cup of something good to drink or a bowl of ice cream and a lot of quietness without a deadline in the morning so I can unstop at least two of three big things and get some closure by writing. Stay tuned for Mac’s story first. Some days I wish I didn’t feel things so deeply. But then I remember what my friend, Anita, told me once when we were discussing the lucky people who stay even-keeled …. “Yeah, but they don’t get the fun of being over the top excited about something like we do either.” So here’s to hot air ballooning someday soon. 
So until that late night happens, here are a few snapshots of random happenings at our house this month.
Sometimes drawing gets really noisy:
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My $10 investment at staving off the blues this winter:
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Goldi runs around our yard freely thanks to an Invisible Fence system. Whenever she goes into heat, we lock her up in the kennel. Well, except for last time when David forgot. So she’s in the kennel again this week. But this guy is passionate let me tell you. We found him IN the kennel with her busily trying to establish a lineage. Not kidding. David dragged him out and filled in the hole where he’d dug himself in. But abstinence was not to be. Three more times he had to be drug off and out and finally at ten that night we called animal control. Can’t say I blame the sheriff for snickering. David walked the dog down the road to knock on doors and finally found his owner who promised to keep him in the house.
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Not every night, but often, the boys get lucky enough to double piggy-back ride up the stairs to bed. Every time it happens I get one of those heart-jerk reactions in my chest. Their ecstatic giggles as they desperately climb up daddy’s back before he can change his mind. The way they cling to his head and hair as his eyes wince once or twice. The sparkle times ten in their eyes. The way Liam’s big toe curls up like it always does when he’s excited. And somehow I know that even if they never remember the actual rides, there’s a little love memory layer being established in their heart piggy banks. Love. Fun. Excitement. Security. There should be a word that means all of those in one.
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One of my favorite memories of this month: Learning how to make sushi from my Japanese neighbor.
She brought a platter of amazing sushi to our neighborhood cookout this summer and David, Adam, and I fell in love. So, so incredibly yummy. And what a gift to learn from her.
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The boys and I made our third annual trip to the apple orchard. The first year was definitely the best. Maybe it was perfect because David was along. Maybe it was perfect because it was our first out the door experience after keeping Liam on weeks of isolation. Maybe it really was just perfect. Last year would have been fun except that I put the boys newest khaki pants on them thinking of the cute pictures. Wrong move. They have one of the best exhibitions of orange mud at the orchard ever. Combine that and steep banks and little boy legs. Otherwise it was fun, except Liam was a grouch because he’d missed a nap. This year I put boots on them, determined to have the best experience ever. It was fun except I think we went too late in the season. We found all of FOUR apples to pick off the trees in spite of walking and walking and walking. The boys were super good sports about it. I was so proud of them. The apple cider donuts were as yummy as ever. And the apple cider they make is unlike anything I have ever tasted in my life. Seriously, I don’t even usually like cider. Theirs? It tastes like it was made in the Garden of Eden.
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Last warm evening at the park while David went to a board meeting = happiness:
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Another heart-jerking mom moment. We were trying to get out the door and like normal got the boys ready first. I told Adam to read stories to Liam while we finished getting ready and when I got downstairs I saw this. Melt me.
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So I promised to find a little beauty in fall. Can’t say I’ve had a big heart change about the season, but I have found snippets of beauty. And my taste buds are once again licking pumpkin. A bit of eye candy …
October skies and color throbs:
and my favorite: the view from our back deck this morning:
Happy weekend everyone!
I am so proud of you, for looking for the beauty in autumn, even though your heart isn’t in it. This is my 11th autumn here in northwest PA, and it’s the first one that I have been able to honestly ENJOY. Always before I was so wrapped up in fighting the inevitable, that I couldn’t find joy in the moment. I don’t think that I’ll ever feel the thrill in autumn like I do in late spring/early summer; but at least I can now acknowledge the gifts that autumn brings.
I don’t think I’ve ever told you this, have I?—I am unashamedly jealous of your mountain view. I’m a VA girl at heart, just can’t help it. Aaahhh….feasting my eyes on your last photo…
And looking forward to your next post! Don’t wait too long!
One day your boys will realize how blessed they are to have a mother like you.
Aw, I like the picture of the boys reading together! And I agree with you…sushi is so YUMMY!!
I love your view of fall! All the hills and colors are so beautiful! At least you have the signs of fall, down here it’s more like just a date on the calendar and the temp starts getting a bit cooler. I’d be in heaven if I had all those colorful leaves around!
Virginia is just gorgeous this time of year. I may move just for the mountain view. 😉 Fun post!
The sky truely was a beauty this morning! I noticed the different colors and layers of clouds on the way back from meeting our school ride and considered a picture. Love the “boys reading” picture! And sushi, well someday I hope to be brave enough to try it! 🙂
“heart piggy banks”~ great way to describe it!!
beautiful color throbs too..
we can appreciate the beauty of the season w/out really loving it. 😉
and you made SUSHI!! awesome – you’ll have to share the how-to when you can, k?
happy weekend there, friend~ xo
Lovely, fun pictures. It sounds like you are embracing fall. Good for you!
The dog”visitor”reminds me of our beloved Oliver,now deceased.Beautiful Fall pics!
Loved these snippits! – The Goldie romance story is just hilarious, but I’m sure agrivating for you guys! lol. – The boys apple picking in their rain/mud boots…love! – late night hot drink and ice-cream to wrapped around the golden quiet….sounds like my kind of girl! – Love how you notice toes that curl in delight! – autumn beauty! yes! I just wish this season would last for at least half the winter! I really am dreading winter already, and it’s not usually hitting me t.h.i.s. early. =( – looking forward to the Mac story and all the rest you plan to give us yet! =)
Stay alive girl! Don’t settle for even-keel…. I know you couldn’t.
So many fun things to comment on. I love pansies. Mr. Suitor is very handsome. No wonder Goldi was smitten. Sushi? Aren’t you elegant! I love seeing the Bigs read to the Littles too. It melts me every time. I’m not cruel, but I did have to laugh at the 4 apples. And I want to taste that cider.
I couldn’t believe the beauty of PA in October. It looks like VA is lovely too. Can’t wait to read your late-night-hot-drink posts.
that conversation that you had with anita? i’ve shared those same exact words too. only not with anita 🙂 and i’m going sky diving.
i think. 😉
“Love. Fun. Excitement. Security. There should be a word that means all of those in one.” maybe that one word to descibe all of those things for your boys is david…as dad.
reading this and looking at your pictures…i realize again how much i enjoy my friends ordinary everyday. and i’m looking forward what a late nighter will bring…
have a great weekend! <3
loved this post!
love how you describe your boys, their daddy and his/your love for them. perfect memories….
happy weekend to you!
You have such a good way with words. Just love your story of your month, would love to hear more!! Hope you can get that Late night/hot cup of coffee/sleep in morning sometime very soon…
I know…about that thing of wishing you were more even keel. I wish that for myself too. I don’t really want to be as intense as I am. What to do about that??? I feel like God made me that way so I guess I will try to be the best version of me that I can be. Oh, and that neighbor dog story…that is just pretty funny! The apple orchard looks like fun…even if you only found a few apples. And when you get one of those late nights to post about some deeper stuff, I will be happy to read it!!
A lot of changes……I hear that. Hard, even if some of the changes are good or needed.
The pictures are awesome!!! How can you NOT like it!? 🙂 Yes, I understand, a bit. Though as I get older I treasure the cozy slow indoor days a bit more. Older? Whatever. 😉