Tuesday February 27, 2007
…I wonder why that’s almost all I talk about. And then I look at my schedule for a week and realize I’m breathing wood dust and nail putty for four days, paying house bills a few hours another day, shopping for countertops, lighting, flooring and window treatments another one or two days and with the time that’s left I’m at home — washing clothes that are caked with sawdust and mud or cleaning floors that show evidence of another muddy location other than home. I wonder why.
So since I like to talk about the house, let me just tell you that I am so excited! If we had some bathroom fixtures I think I’d be tempted to move in. Well, ok, not quite. It’s pretty filthy in there. I have puttied nail holes until my finger was nearly purple, sanded until my arms refused to move, and last night caulked as late as I dared knowing that there was a dryer on the back of David Lee’s truck that we needed to unload and a two year old to get to bed in reasonable time. After today, I should have TWO rooms ready to paint trim. I am so excited I am almost jumping up and down. I can hardly wait to see what the trim looks like with a coat of white dove as opposed to stark white primer. And every time I go out there, I have to first just walk around and look! No wonder my husband loves finish carpentry! Trim is truly a big part of what makes a house beautiful. My mom is coming to help me paint tomorrow and I am even more excited about that. I must admit, I am a people person and it gets a little bit lonely being out there day after day by myself.
Oh yes, one more thing besides house talk (wow!). Last week Ronnie Miller spoke at our Winter Bible School … highly inspirational and motivating. Saturday night we had a separate women’s talk / sharetime about becoming a woman of God. Afterwards Louise and I started talking and I found it highly comforting to hear a middle-aged woman I consider Godly express my thoughts in words. So many times when a woman talks about submitting to our husbands, especially when they share concrete examples, I find myself shivering inside. As Louise put it so well, “if there is no friction, does that mean I am in submission or is there a chance I do not know my own heart?” In other words, am I one of those women who stomps all over their husband and has no idea she’s doing it? Oh yes, I know a little bit about submission … we’ve had a few big issues. All women seem to have the big issues. It’s the little issues that women talk about … like your husband calls home and wants you to fax something right away or he needs you to run to town for xyz right now and it’s the baby’s naptime or my husband doesn’t like for me to get involved in this or he doesn’t like when I do that and then they go on to talk about how we need to be sweetly submissive. That never happens to me. I simply don’t have this list of things my husband asks me to do that are difficult for me to accept. My husband always says things like this, “hey I need a fax sent to whereever when you get a minute today” or do you think it would work for you to… He considers my schedule as important as his and I don’t think he’s ever asked me to “do something now” w/o first finding out what I have going at the moment. I could list quite a number of other areas (like the way he encourages and supports my dreams and visions, too or the way we have similar tastes and convictions); but I think I’ll stop. Louise and I discovered we both have flexibe, somewhat laid-back husbands. They don’t have strong preferences about how things HAVE to be and about what needs to go now. When I got home and talked to David Lee about it he laughed and said, “So is it an issue of the wife submitting to her husband or is the husband not loving his wife?” My thoughts precisely. I know this is probably a heated subject and, as in parenting, I think there is more than one way of “right.” What is right for you as a couple, may not be right for another couple. But I’m still curious what other people think. Louise and I both laughed in agreement at the end of our conversation when I said, “just watch, in two weeks we’re probably going to get this HUGE issue!” So now, I’m curious. Are we just a very close match for each other in this area or am I missing something?
I think your husband does his job of loving you WELL. God bless him and you… I think issues and situations are different. I think we do each other great harm if we start judging each other as non submissive because I don’t respond how so and so’s wife would. I struggled with that for years, (still kinda do) and then someone told me I am to be in submission to my own husband… what a thought. I was always so worried about what people thought of me and how I respond(still am, too much) Stay close to God, He will never fail to let you know, what your response as a wife should be and how wonderful when our husbands love us and freely forgive us. Am I making sense? Oh, and I hope the big issue doesn’t come, but if it does and you care to share how you come out:) Take care and have fun painting.. Love, Kim
“if there is no friction, does that mean I am in submission or is there a chance I do not know my own heart?”
Oh amen and amen. I’m not even going to get started on this, but it’s a subject I feel very passionate about. I think submission needs so much more defining than what it’s generally been given. Just because I go along with everything my husband says still does not mean I’m submissive and furthermore I don’t think that’s even submission. Uh-oh, I said I was not going to get started. =)
I can relate to having a husband who values my schedule!! Great thought provoking thoughts.
I don’t have time to comment on your message. Just wanted to poke my head in and say thanks for dropping a comment and your congrats, and can’t wait to talk w/ and SEE you!!!!!!!
My Ty & I haven’t really had any “big” issues, in almost 7 years of marriage. You know how couples talk about their first real fight? We still haven’t had it……;-) God has blessed me with a man who refuses to argue. He has changed my life in that area, because my background taught me to argue about anything & everything, and I thrived on a “good” argument. But I married a man who refused to talk to me when I was in an argumentive mood. Ever try to pick a fight with yourself? It doesn’t work!:-) Now I hate arguments, too, and am so thankful that my husband is teaching me how to live peaceably.
My biggest struggle with submission is when my aggressive, impulsive nature collides with his more passive, cautious spirit. I think he should be more assertive, or defend himself when accused wrongly, or correct someone who’s “wrong”—-but he is wisely willing to forgive & to let it go. Most of the time. (I’m smiling as I write this, because right now—for maybe the first time ever?—we’re in a situation where I’m saying “we should let it go” and he’s saying, “we CAN’T be silent!”)
The longer I’m married, the more I realize how much I can learn from him—and from Him. ~Jo
Proud of you for sticking out your neck.
michelle you have some very good thoughts! and i think you have yourself one very fine young man! be thankful cause i know of some men (not mine) =) that are not so considerate! and you all are surviving building a house! that means something too. and you know …don’t worry bout you talking about the house all the time. that’s totally to be expected. i wish i’d have my house to talk about! =) things are moving at a snails pace here right now. roy says he needs the window prices yet and then we’ll see what we need to cut back on and so on and so forth! at least the driveway is in so we can drive back and look at the big “nothing” =) i am finding lots of opportunity to excersise my patience. later….K
Submission isn’t just being silent and going along with the flow. I did it for years thinking I was doing right but not really being happy because I never said my side. I see now, I can say my side and what I believe, but need to be willing to give in or not have to have my way. Not sure it makes sense or not, but I sort of felt like I lost my identity trying to be what I thought “mennonite submission” was and now discover I was thinking wrong all along. Enjoyed your post!
Enjoyed your thoughts. There certainly are many different colors to the word submission but one thing I do know is that I can instantly tell when I have overstepped my boundaries as probably most woman can. I don’t know if you knew this or not but that Ronnie Miller you mentioned happens to be my oldest crazy and passionate brother. He loves life! And yes, don’t get discouraged with the house… one day you will reap big rewards. We did all the work re-doing an old house and yes, it’s lots of work but we still love talking about the funny incidents that happened while working together on it and it’s already fun telling our boys stories about it. It makes a house so special… so enjoy!!
Hey Michelle…love hearing about your house, and envisioning it taking shape. Of course that’s what you talk about, it’s so all-encompassing. At least I “think” it is. Of course we’ve never built, but we’ve remodeled and lived in the middle of the dust and rubble. At the time it seems like a permanent stage but when you’re through it, it’s almost hard to remember the bad times.
It’s not hard being submissive when you don’t have a strong opinion on a matter. I think mostly I just control my opinions and think I’m being submissive, cuz once in a while when there’s something I feel VERY strongly about, my submissive spirit gets tried by fire. And sometimes what’s left is not pure gold. But I’m learning. And trying.
Enjoyed your post, esp about submission. I’m lucky to have a husband puts my needs first, he is very considerate. We have the most friction when I don’t share how I feel and I expect him to read my mind:) Hope you like your new washer! and yes, as Christy said, I am weird to make soap but it is cost effective, it works, and I am not allergic to it like I am to a lot of the others. Would love to see your house, post pics sometime. We are in the house planning stages, scary to think how much work is ahead….MB
Hi!