Tuesday July 26, 2011
My eyes are burning from lack of sleep. I’m pretty sure if I closed them I’d see red and green spots dancing from watching pizza sauce bubble on the stove for such a long time. It’s been a zucchini relish, pizza sauce kind of day. And a bake cookies kind of day because we’ve been out for way too long. It’s also been a Liam-could-not-be-grouchier kind of day. I have no idea what happened to that sweet little boy of ours, but I want him back. This little guy who showed up yesterday morning and seems to morph into ever louder and more distraught versions of himself is not someone I recognize or enjoy.
About three o’clock I decided that if I were a dog, I would totally have my tongue hanging out. And if I were a two year old, I would totally be having a meltdown. And if I were an adult, I would still feel like doing both of those things. Just when I saw that I really was going to make it til the end of the day, the orchard (from an hour away) called to say my peaches were ready, could I come pick them up today. Shake head left. Shake head right. Repeat.
This week is Vacation Bible School at our church. When I heard they were still five teachers shy less than a week from the starting date, I (okay, admit it,grudgingly) called to volunteer. The only little kids class left was kindergarten one. Art projects at my house are an internal battle for me. I looooove to tell stories. I like to teach,to sing, to talk. But I do not enjoy cutting out oodles of little pieces and then helping oodles times ten little, uncoordinated fingers try to glue them in the right place. Give me fifteen years and a wave of sentimental feelings and I bet I’ll sign up. But for now, I am quite happily studying for the eighth grade class. You know, the people who are completely independent when it comes to drink and snack and bathroom needs. They know where to go and what to do and how to have fun all by themselves. I am lucky. I have a class of five girls.
Tonight is about worship. I was thrilled. I’ve been thinking about worship for almost this entire summer. Ever since a friend of mine was mentioning a very, very difficult situation she was in. It was one of those does-not-make-one-bit-of-sense things and just seemed so wrong on several levels. But as she described it she said, “In all of this, I just keep hearing God say, I want you to worship me.”
It pretty much stopped me in my tracks. Not the concept of believing God in the muddle. I don’t think that’s new to any of us. But the word,“worship” grabbed me like it never had before. What does it mean to really worship?
Almost every time we hear the word, it’s associated with praise as in praise & worship. The two seem to go together like cinnamon rolls and coffee. Praise conjures up images of declared thankfulness, singing, happiness spilling out and over … well, not always, but often. But does praise define worship? Or is it only a part of it?
We talk about going to church to worship God as though it’s an act we can schedule into a convenient slot on our planner.
I started thinking about moments of worship described in the Bible and how people responded. Moses fell flat on his face when he saw God in the burning bush. Balaam shut up. Zachariah was afraid. Simeon, when handed baby Jesus, blessed God. Paul fell to the ground and was struck blind.
It doesn’t sound to me as though many of these people were jumping up and down with thanksgiving. Not that giving thanks isn’t important. I love all the gratitude lists I’m seeing. I’ve broadened my perspective on so many days of life because of fantastic women who are truly learning to give thanks in all things. But this summer, I kept feeling that there is something more.
Maybe worship is more than the discipline of learning to be grateful.
Maybe worship is when my soul sees and responds to God.
I started thinking back to the moments when it felt as though I truly worshiped God. Not just read about Him. Not just talked to Him. The moments when I saw a glimpse of Him. Sometimes I gave thanks. Sometimes I cried. Sometimes I just felt dumbfounded at how big and good He really is. But always I walked away in awe of Him. It was like there was no room left for thoughts about how small I am in comparison. There was only room for God in my mind. I wish it could be like that always. And maybe it can? Is worship a discipline? Or only a response? I wish I knew that.
The more I thought about my friend’s story, the more I wondered, how much do I really worship God? Not asking (or begging). Not doing. Not being. Just recognizing His presence.
In June when the puppies were born and sold like popcorn kernels poured into hot oil, I put a few more pieces together. God knew way back in February (when David forgot to lock up Goldi for a an important week) that we would need money for a slew of unexpected doctor’s appointments. So he sent the neighbors’ nicest dog over to our house. Was that chance? I don’t think so. God doesn’t always align dates that conveniently, but I think this summer He knew that not only were we going to need some extra cash, I needed a 101 crash course on worship.
I told David that it suddenly makes so much sense to me why it is easier to believe when you are thirty than when you are thirteen. When you are thirteen, you hear everyone else’s stories about God. You hear them say that God was there for them time and again. But you’re still waiting and watching. And sometimes falling through the cracks. You see God. Then you wait in the darkness. You feel as though your prayers are answered. You stand reeling and faithless at yet another shattered dream. But after fifteen years, the picture begins to emerge. You no longer doubt God’s faithfulness because you have seen it for yourself. You’ve seen the prayers that were answered. You’ve seen the unanswered prayers and the way God carried you through them. You’ve seen glimpses of His glory. You’ve been left in the darkness and learned that God is still there.
I can’t wait to see how much more I understand of God when I am sixty. This summer more than ever I have come to believe that,
Worship is recognizing God in the seemingly
serendipitous happenings of my life.
But I’m still in my thirties. And I have not yet figured out how an uncharacteristically grouchy child and a garden with an overactive thyroid can coincide well with teaching VBS.
- Tuesday July 19, 2011
- Tuesday August 2, 2011
Michelle, I love your conclusion on worship! I hope your week takes a turn toward a smoother path!! I only have an uncharacsteristically difficult boy to deal with and think it’s bad…
i LOVE the conclusion that the longer we live, the easier it is to worship God. because i believe if we do not truly have Him in our hearts, the direct opposite of that is true! and so what a sweet thing it is to know Him and worship more fully every day, every year!
Michelle! I love, love, LOVE every part of this post! I am SOOO glad that you propped your eyelids open long enough to type this out! I am positive that God has a special blessing waiting for you because of the sacrifices that you are making this week. May He give you His abundant strength to serve Him…and to WORSHIP as you serve!
P.S. Your last sentence killed me. Thanks for the laugh!
Yes Yes! And I quote:
Maybe worship is more than the discipline of learning to be grateful. Maybe worship is when my soul sees and responds to God.
Love this.
I’ve been grappeling w/ worship being about my life being lived to God, don’t know if its correct or not. Loved your thoughts.
Every time the subject of worship comes up, I think of a teacher at CBS, and especially one particular class when he had all of us bow our heads, and challenged us to pray without asking God for anything, or thanking Him for anything. And another class when he wanted us to write about worship, and I think it was the first time I had ever taken the time to really really think of what worship is. I don’t have the answers, but that writing session brought some clarity. If you have Anita’s book, you can read what I wrote that day.
And I can so totally relate to what you’re saying about believing being easier now than at 13. I always think the writer of Romans puts it into words just perfectly in chapter 5:3-5.
I, however, have no doubt that even at 60 I will be sure that I still have a lot to learn about my great God!
Your ending was just awesome.
I LOVED your thoughts on worship. And your definition of it. I think you are really on to something!
Great post Michelle. Great post.
Oh, something I am in the middle of learning, too!
Great thoughts on worship! Thank you!
When I’m in over my head, I need to read a post like this!! Happy peaches (and everything else) day! 🙂
LOVED this! Very good post!!!
I am waiting for my phone call for peaches…it will be anyday now, and I’m hoping it’s not today!
If so, then I will have to come back and read your post on worship again and not wish for my tongue to be hanging out too. 😉
They puppies are adorable. One daughter was by my side while reading…one by one the kids are coming over to see them.
Sophia is now singing a song about them….”Aren’t they just adorable, are’t they just adorable” over and over again.
Happy Wednesday to you. =)
Oh goodness, you make me want to buy a puppy… and I’m not even an animal-loving person. 🙂
Good, good thoughts, Michelle! This is something I’ve really been thinking too… begun years ago at smbi, and still learning… Ann Voskamp had a very similar line to yours on her blog once, which read, “Worship is a way of seeing life in light of God.” Your thoughts are very stimulating, and I’ll be thinking on this for a long time! And I loved your last line. 🙂
@writersblock02 – yes, i love that and get that! worship is about my life being lived to God…
Loved the puppy photos! I don’t like most dogs, but I think I’ve never seen an ugly puppy, and they melt my heart.
Sometimes I feel guilty for coming to God to ask for something else AGAIN. But one time He told me that my act of coming to Him, the act of asking, was worship, because it was admitting that I could do nothing, and I was acknowledging His power, thus worshiping.
“The essence of Christianity is not service, but worship.” A good friend said this once, and I think it’s true. Think of the leper who came back to thank Jesus for being healed. What if all our work were praise?
You know, it’s time we talk, you and I! I’m ready!
Loved your thoughts !!!!
I would love to come and help you do your peaches…….Mine are safely tucked in my freezer. Now I have to do my 2 bushels of apples.
this post made me cry…. So often jeff n I hear others talk about God…..jeff said a few days ago he would like to ‘see’ God instead of hear other peoples stories….we know he’s there..it’s just hard sometimes…it shouldn’t be…but it is. Love!
must say those puppies are adorable and make me wish i liked puppies :). this gives me a smidgeon of hope. that i will/can worship again someday. actually maybe i am already, Amy Grant has a song called “better then a hallelujah”. it speaks to me…….. how tears, cries, sorrows are more meaningful to God sometimes then church bells, choirs, etc…. i think i often have such a screwed up vision of worship. this “boxed in” way…… maybe i will go worship as i make supper……. probably won’t be dancing and singing tonight, but someday it will be again!
you, my friend, are so very eloquent.
love that gift that HE has shared with you
and how i am blessed by it.
*does that sound self-focused? 🙂 teehee.*
in all that you wrote about learnING,
you reminded me here that it’s not about acquiring more knowledge about such
as in the act
and what exactly is observable
or tangible
place. time. position. facial expressions.
those are the parts that we can explain.
but it’s more about…nono…that it is totally about The Who.
Him.
“Worship is recognizing God in the seemingly serendipitous happenings of my life.”
and that sometimes, often! worshipping on holy ground can be right here in my kitchen where i live.
kickin off my flip flops holy
next to my supper, burning on the stove.
now i am curious. 🙂 do all of my edits come up on your home page? *rolls eyes. big sigh.*
if they do, can you believe that i STILL do not feel finished? but realize *sorta* that i don’t need to explain myself endlessly! ha.
and the puppies are darling! i can.not. let sarah see them. she will want to live at your house!
This hit a familiar chord in my dry and dusty spirit! I like your thoughts. A lot! I’m done with the boxed version. God is so much more than that. And even if my weary body cannot pull off a daily quiet time right now, I can still worship my amazing Creator. I’m hoping your week was a smooth path!
Thanks for another good post:) I have your bag of goodies whenever you get over this way:)
You bless, encourage, and challenge me so often with your posts! This one is no exception. I couldn’t agree more. Thank you!(:
Loved this post! You made me laugh and think about my Almighty God in the same post! Hope you manage to go through this busy week worshiping your Father!
this was so tenderly written.. so clear and simple, and yet filled with depth. i loved & soaked up every word.
reminded me too of something i heard not long ago that worship is so much more than merely music or how we express ourselves~ worship is what we live!
sobering thoughts & and makes me realize how little i really know about true worship.
but i’m learning.. 🙂 and learned more here.