Wednesday July 15, 2009
It feels like a long time since I’ve written anything of substance. And why I am blogging now when my brain is shutting down is more than I can tell. Except that writing has always been an amazing outlet for me. Getting things out of my brain seems to help me regain perspective. And since I told David my blood pressure feels like it might be around 230 over 176, writing might be a good idea. 
These days feel like deja vu. Days of screaming baby, remembering when the last does of advil and tylenol were administered, night wakings, hours and hours and hours rocking and walking and singing and hushing and walking again. Snot wiping, temperature checking, diarrhea explosions and worrying. Always worrying.
I get scared whenever someone with a virus is in the same building as Liam. Last weekend was a family reunion (make that the weekend before actually) and Liam started with a low grade fever and cough Monday night before we started home. He had “a cold” the next few days and then just as I thought he was getting better, his temperature spiked to 103 and stayed. By Saturday night I was alternating motrin and tylenol on top of each other and Monday night I took him to see the on call pediatrician. By the time Liam was four hours into his motrin dose, his temp would head right back up to to 103 and above. I’d give him Tylenol but he would continue to grow increasingly miserable. The hour after his motrin kicked in was always his best hour. And, of course, that was the hour the doctor saw him. After a few negative leads he took a peek in his ear. An ear infection. In his words: “This is not just an ear infection. This is pus everywhere, ear drum bulging ear infection.” And so we got azithromycin since Liam is allergic to penicillens. And then he dared to say, “I’m surprised he doesn’t have more pain.” 
Really. Doctors should never make statements like that to moms who have taken care of insanely fussy babies all weekend. Home we went only to endure another scary night. When Liam woke up the next time I held him close to me and felt the heat of his body burn through both our clothes. He cried and then stopped. And then his entire body started jerking. Just little, rhythmic jerks. I was so afraid. I held him and watched his eyes. Listened to his tachypneic breathing and scream whispered to David Lee that something is very wrong. When nothing worse happened and he stopped, I relaxed a little. He didn’t seem post-ictal but I have no idea what seizures in babies look like. The next morning it happened again.
I was so hoping the antibiotics were doing double time and thought the day would go at least somewhat better. Instead, he got much worse. From 10:00 on he screamed. Little breaks here and there but mostly screaming. And writhing. After an hour and a half I simply could not take it any longer. I called in to talk to the nurse and she called back to say they would call in a prescription for antipyrine drops. By then Liam had finally drifted off. He woke up screaming forty minutes later and cried almost the entire way to the drug store. If you think you are a strong person, I dare you to listen to a baby scream for hours on end. Honestly, I have never had a baby with colic but I have seen fussy. Fussy and screaming are very different.
The pharmacist said to warm the drops and he should get instant relief. I warmed them, tested the temperature and inserted. He arched his back and screamed even louder. After thirty minutes (how long is instant?) I called the pediatrician again. I don’t even want to know what they relayed in the office (the mom is crying and the baby is screaming in the background, I think it’s pretty bad ???) but they said to bring him in. And downtown we went again. Mercifully he fell asleep on the way in. And even better I got to see his regular doctor. He listened to the whole sobby story and said the tremors were probably febrile tremors. “Some kids get them just before a seizure.” And then he checked ears and said the bad one looked better but, oh, the other one is infected now too.
And now it’s today. The fever is gone and Liam is playing alone some. Still not eating much. Still not drinking enough to wet many diapers. Definitely still not sleeping. But just as definitely not screaming as much. 
The diarrhea is much worse thanks to the antibiotics. But what I do not like is the nagging fear in the pit of my stomach that something bigger is going on that we’re missing. What is making him pick up everything for miles around and then get much sicker with it than anyone else? And food intolerances? That’s a story for another day. I just wish he could feel well.
I am so sorry. That is stressful. I pray God will give you some peaceful moments and you will feel the Father’s arms around you!
I am sorry too. That is so stressful. I hope you can rest, and will pray for all of you ,and that Liam will feel better soon.
Oh my heart goes out to you. Nothing is worse than sick kiddos. I’ll pray that it goes uphill from here!
My goodness, i’m about to cry just reading this….i hate, absolutely hate when kids have to go thro sickness or even ‘ouchies’. i am so sorry you have to deal with this! Hope everyone sleeps so good tonight.
MICHELLE!! Sick is one thing but scary sick is another especially in the night. What is the possibility that his food issues have compromised his immune system?
so sorry for your plight! Those sort of things with babies are SO scary!! I’ll say a prayer for you that you will rest tonight and that your beautiful boy will soon be WELL!! hang in there!
Oh Michelle…I am so sad for you! My little boy has had a lot of ear infections and just came through one a week ago, but never anything as scary as this!! I can just feel the fear…the heat of a high temperature…it’s so awful!!! I am PRAYING for you!
Trust me nothing gets to me and stresses me like screaming kiddos and worse when you know they are so miserable. Here’s praying the Holy Spirit touches his little body with a good healing and gives you a peaceful night…………
Screaming because they’re tired or screaming in pain are two totally different things. The first I can handle for the little bit before they fall asleep, but the second makes me cry too. So glad he’s feeling better and I really hope there’s nothing else wrong with him. Some kids grow stronger immune systems as they get older so just keep looking ahead. God will take you through this.
Oh, Michelle, my heart goes out to you! I am normally a pretty rational person, but when I have a screaming baby in the middle of the night, I start imagining all kinds of irrational things. I am praying that you will be able to trust the health of your precious little guy to the healing arms of his Great Physician, and that both of you will get some much-needed rest.
Poor baby…and you too Michelle. It’s soooo hard to see your little ones suffer and then there’s so little you can actually do to help!! So glad to hear he’s better!!
Michelle… I understand your fears! Praying that Liam can be well & stay well.
I cry whenever a child has ear infection because I still remember the pain. I used to get them when I was little, and I remember screaming and not being able to get away from the pain until I had a cold wet washcloth on my ear, or put my ear on the cold lino on the floor. Poor Liam. I know how he feels more than how you feel, but I do care, and am praying today for you.
Hang in there dear! I hope and pray Liam will be much better soon and that you can find answers to your solutions.
Eek! I meant answers to your questions! I think 5:54 AM is too early for me!!!
@Anitajoyyoder –
thanks for the tip!! I remember my aunt putting a warm diaper against her babies’ ears when they were hurting but Liam didn’t like it. Next time I’ll try cold.
@lwstutz –
5:54?????? I hope you are a morning person. My brain actually starts functioning normally around 8:30 or 9 — before then I sort of move like a robot. 🙂
That post is a perfect description of stress…….. and my heart goes out to you. Our youngest had so many ear infections which affected so many other things too that I thought I would lose it. @ 14 months we had tubes put in and omg, the change was unreal and i felt like i could finally enjoy my baby. I know the feeling of keeping them on medicine and worrying about the fact that I was ruining him for the rest of his life. I pray he will soon grow out of this stage… it’s so intense.
@singingrachel –
Thanks, Rachel. It helps so much to know someone else has been there and then see their happy preschooler! I think I kind of lose perspective and it just feels so terrible and I get this claustrophobic feeling that I’m losing him right out from under my nose but I’m not seeing it. And then he gets better and I think I’m seeing blackness where there is none. I fall asleep praying the angels will watch over him and keep him safe ….. Liam has taught me more about the fact that God is Sovreign than almost anything in my life. From the long, long wait to get pregnant to the realization that he is still not mine but Gods. I cling to the fact that God has something perfect planned in this imperfect world of illness and pain. It’s the only thing that keeps me sane in all of this.
michelle i couldn’t read this without having tears run down my own face……what you have been through must be really really hard and i had to think back to when you were here….do you think he was already starting something here? remember he didn’t seem himself? oh i do hope things will be completely back to normal and you can enjoy the rest of the summer once again! love ya
My heart goes out to you girl, I’m praying for Liam and you and care about you a lot.
wish I could think of something comforting to write…sounds so much like how I felt when my six month old got croup. Scary nights, fever, alternating medicine, crying to hubby during the night, worrying about the steroid they gave him at the doc…I’ll pray.
I found that my teeth were clenched together while reading this. Brings back the terrible night i had with Leandra a few months ago, the night before Mother’s day, of all things. I did not know before then that ear infections can cause such high fever.
I hope too, that you will soon find the solutions to his ear problems. Have a child become repeatly sick is VERY stressful!
aww, honey, I am so sorry! We came home sick after the reunion too, but Baby was sick only a few days, and then not high fever and all, just upset stomach and teething mess. I will be praying for you and Liam, and the rest of the family too! I love you all, and it scares me too when the babies get sick… Hang in there, and never forget, God is in control!
Michelle~my heart goes out to you!! You can’t even function when all you can think about is how to get your babies well again!! Sick children is something this momma can hardly handle! Sure hope you can find something that’ll help him! I know how you feel bout not wanting to even go out!!! i had a winter like that a few years back, and just wanted to “hole up” in my house once we were all well =( And was totally IRRITATED when someone would bring all their SICK ones!! Wishing you a wonderful day!! =)
My stars, what an ordeal. And I so so hear you, with that “nagging fear in the pit of [your] stomach that something bigger is going on here.” All I can say is listen to your mommy-instincts no matter who tells you otherwise. May God wrap you in grace and may your son be so healthy in a few years that you’ll have a fleeting wish that he’d be sick for a day, just so he’d hold still and you could sit in a rocking chair and hold him.
So sorry Michelle!!! I don’t have answers but I’ll pray…
My heart goes out to you! I had an 8 month old daughter who had RSV, some how the nights feel so lonely. It sounds like you have already thought of food allergies, but maybe it has something to do with that. My daughter had numerous breathing problems and seemed to catch everything, and more then once I wondered “Am I missing soemthing?” My son is now 12 weeks old and at 6 weeks we discovered he is allergic to milk and soy. I’m nursing and as long as I don’t eat anything with cow’s milk or soy in it, he’s happy. Looking back now I can see that my daughter had some of the same symptoms, rash, gas when I didn’t seem to eat anything wrong (spicy food etc.) and at times mucas in her BM’s. I have a friend who’s first was also allergic to milk though she didn’t know it till later and he had lots of ear infections and high fever. You may have thought of all this before, if so disregard it. Thought I should write something in case it would help. Hang in there!
Aww…so sorry to hear this! I’m sitting here cringing as I’m reading this, there is nothing as hard as hearing a child just scream in pain.
Hoping he continues to get better and praying for you!
Michelle, this sounds horrible!! I feel so terrible for both of you, and hope you can soon find something that helps! I worry so quickly when Roland gets sick, but he’s never had anything like this! You have my deepest sympathy!
Hey Michelle, have you ever heard of Mona-vie? Here’s a website that you can check it out: http://www.the-team.biz/MV1019229
“Abba Father, hold Michelle close to your heart in these heart-weary, physically exhausting days. Touch her days with some moments of joy and beauty. Touch darling little Liam’s body. Bless Michelle with physical strength. Surround her with a real sense of Your Presence and of Your Father-love. Help her to lean on You and weep. You are her Father and she is safe with You. Amen.”
Michelle, I’m so sorry. I wish I could give you some tips on what would give Liam relief, but my girlies never got earach that bad so I’m not much help. I will pray that God will give you much strength and grace for each day and that Liam will feel better soon. Having sick children is no fun. Is there anything I can do for you, make your supper one evening or take Adam for awhile or take you out for coffee:) Let me know. See ya.
Oh Michelle I am so sorry! I can’t imagine having to go through that…I would have been really scared too!! I will be praying for you and your baby both. Its not fun being a Mom at these times.
Wow, I feel so bad for y’all. Hoping that things are going a lot better. It sounds so scary and I pray you don’t have to go through it again. Just last week I was feeling sorry for myself when I had to take Cody to the Dr. again cuz he’s seen the Dr. more often than the other 3 combined. But after reading your experience I’m counting my blessings instead now. Wishing you a peaceful weekend.
@lislovesben –
I really think food intolerances are at the root of this. But oh, does it ever feel like a stab in the dark!!!
@hostetler1980 –
I haven’t heard of it. I’ll have to go check it out, thanks!
@lolita_rose –
Thank you, Lita. You brought tears to my eyes!
@smuckers4jesus –
You know, weren’t we going to go out for coffee back when I was pg already???? I think maybe we should actually go do it sometime! If I were home today I’d tell you to bring the girls over to swim…wouldn’t that be fun? I’m heading over to see Beth’s baby, though, so maybe another day!
Michelle, I’m praying for rest for you and that you will get to the bottom of this.