Wednesday November 11, 2009

Last night I kept walking through the kitchen and touching my book as I passed it, trying to reassure myself that it was actually true. It was completely overwhelming this morning to see the affirmation and celebration from you guys! I felt so energized and yet completely discombobulated today. Shellshocked might be a better word!

I thought that I had been relatively normal last night; but when I read my blog again this morning, I realized I never really introduced Andrew’s family. And neither did I really tell you how these books happened. I have been formulating the gist of this post in my mind for months and then I didn’t even write it. Apparently I was floating around in exuberance more then I realized.

I love to scrapbook and ever since Adam was two, he has loved to look at the ones I have done. He also (ever since he was too little to talk) loved when I told him stories. Even better then having stories read, he loved when I told him about life around us. I often did this when we were driving down the road. For example, when he was two, I explained to him how the mail gets to our mailbox. Now we discuss things like the difference between deciduous and evergreen trees. But in the months just prior to our move, almost every trip he begged me to tell him about “when we move to the new house.” I began to see even more then ever how much it helped him to cope with life when he understood what was going on. Even though, sometimes, he hardly knew how to word the questions to get the information he really wanted to know.

After we moved, he pored over the pictures of building. He always chose the yellow photo album because it had the most pages of “tools.” One day I decided to make my own little book for him. I compiled pages with the story of our building project and added photos. He loved it and begged so often to have it read that he soon had all twenty pages memorized. Several people encouraged me to publish it; but especially my SIL Emily kept giving me the little pushes I needed to try. “Think of how many other little boys would just stare at all those construction pictures. It’s every little boys dream book!”

Bigger then the construction factor though, is the story about a little boy who moved from one house to another and still felt safe and loved. His toys came with him and life is still good. I will melt into a puddle of tears the day I hear from a mom who says her child was insecure or afraid of moving and this story helped her to understand what will happen and to relieve some of her fears.

And so I tried to publish it. And failed. It’s too expensive to print full color pages they said.

And then I ran into a friend who is in publishing and she got all excited when I told her about my project. “Send it to us,” she said. I said I would. But I didn’t. Because I was scared. And I didn’t think it would happen anyway. They called two more times and finally I sent it. Imagine my surprise and exuberance when they also said it was great! And yes, it would cost more to print; but it’s also worth more and children will certainly like it better then black and white illustrations.

They saw potential for more then just Adam’s story. Like me, they knew there are a lot of real life situations that can be difficult for kids to process. They told me about their life-long friends, Keith and Jeanne, who had four children. Their second son has severe handicaps. “It’s quite a story and we’d love to see it in print.”

I was nervous. Actually, that’s an understatement. I was scared spit-less. How was I supposed to write the story of a family I had never even met? But from the minute I first talked to Jeanne on the phone I knew everything was going to be ok. She was so easy to talk to and started telling me the gist of the story of Benjamin’s life. I started scratching notes as she wrote.

Knowing that it would be impossible to accurately portray their story without really getting to know them, we arranged a day for me to visit them. I fell head over heels in love with their family. Sweet, sweet kids and Keith and Jeanne are amazing. Jeanne and I had a lot of things in common. We both scrapbook, our youngest both have milk allergies, and we both love to talk! There were lots and lots of phone calls between us and they didn’t all stay on the subject of the book because we soon felt like friends instead of book partners.

Most of all I wanted to get to know Andrew since he’s the one telling the story. He was nine and I didn’t know very much about how nine year old boys think, or how they say things. Jeanne and I talked, and pored over pictures trying to decide which ones to use, and went to visit Benjamin at his school. He is the happiest kid with a million dollar smile. And then Andrew got home from school. And then I got a little bit nervous. I knew I only had a little bit of time left before I needed to leave for home …. and I knew that you don’t just ply a nine year old with questions like, “so tell me about what it’s like to have a brother like Benjamin.”

Jeanne offered us some cookies and Andrew and I headed outside to talk. I asked him a few questions while he traced lines in the dirt with his shoe or got up to pace around me in half circles. And then all of a sudden he said, “Do you want to play some ball?” And then I knew I’d won some trust.

We played pitch and catch and frisbee in the back yard and yelled a few questions and answers as the ball sailed between us. I hope Adam will be as polite and kind a kid as Andrew when he’s nine.

I learned a lot from interacting with Andrew’s family. As Jeanne said once, “you know, I would never ask for this; but I wouldn’t want it any other way either.” I think I know a little what she means. Liam’s food allergies have given me a perspective of life I didn’t have before. But I would NEVER ask for the experience or wish it on someone else. I knew that having a child like Benjamin would affect your life a lot … but I never thought about how much it affects your life (and the life of your children) every single day. They are amazing parents. I came away from their house that day overwhelmed with one thing. They take such good care of their children. It is so obvious that those kids are loved. Benjamin takes an enormous amount of care and there are many things they can’t do (like go on vacation) because of him. Yet I sensed no resentment. Only love. All siblings have to give and take but Benjamin’s siblings have to do a lot more give then most. Yet I sensed no resentment. Only love. And even though Benjamin takes more time and care then most, the other three children responded freely in ways kids do when they are happy, secure, loved and cherished by their parents. I think God has given them grace and unselfishness to stretch around in ways I can hardly imagine.

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Some of you asked questions about the books in my last post. I tried to answer them in comments and got a little overwhelmed replying to everyone so I thought this might be easier.

These are children’s books. They retail for $8.99 plus shipping. While I have my copy here, the bulk of them are not actually at the warehouse yet; but they should be here in a week or so. I will be more then happy to sell them to you (and yes, I am taking orders now) or you can purchase them directly from Vision Publishers. And yes, I will autograph your copy for you. (Why does it feel so funny to say that?) I started a list so if you specifically messaged me or commented that you want me to send you one, you are on the list and I replied to your comment / message. If you haven’t heard back from me definitely and you want to order one, please message me here, on facebook or on “the mom forum.”
Both books are hardcover and have photos on every page. (lots of photos I might add)
Oh, and while they are called a “series,” the books are not related to each other and you can buy one without the other and not miss half the story. The reason it’s called a series is b/c they are both related to adjustments kids have.
We Build A House is geared toward younger children … I’m not terribly good at this because Adam likes stories that I think should be way over his head; but I’m going to say in the 2-6 yr old range.
My Brother’s Keeper is for kids a step older … like 5-10 yr old range approximately

It feels like I missed something ….. hmm, maybe I haven’t quite landed after all.

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• Thursday November 19, 2009 →