WFMW: Staying Motivated
Motivation has been one of our toughest hurdles since we’ve started homeschooling. One student flies through his work so fast he hardly takes time to think. The other can spend so much time thinking he forgets to do his work. The problem is, the thinking isn’t even always about his school work. Putting punctuation into a sentence about Henry Ford sparks an instant need to dialogue about Henry Ford and the fact that he didn’t actually invent the automobile. He just improved it so much that it became readily affordable and dependable.
There was the garden variety messing around and the kind that looks for all the world like you’re concentrating on a problem when you’re actually not even thinking about school at all. This might be harder to identify if the person overseeing hadn’t been notoriously adept at every trick of the trade when it came to messing around in middle school. But by far the biggest problem was the need to talk about the subject referred to in a book or something a sentence reminded him of that now needed to be discussed immediately. For some Mom’s with a different style of homeschooling, this could actually be a good thing instead of a problem. It all depends on your educational style and what goals you are trying to reach. At our house, we have very little trouble with discussions and conversations. We are trying to improve on the ability to be assigned a task and do it quickly and efficiently. Also, because we may choose to re-enroll the boys in school if we move back to Virginia, we try to keep school similar to the structure of school, just a bit less rigid. We also try to parent in a way that makes sense for the rest of their life, i.e. , what kind of work ethic are they developing and is this going to be a detrimental or helpful pattern of behavior in a job?
I tried many things. I set timers. I gave frequent reminders pleasantly and in an I-mean-business voice. I asked many homeschool moms and school moms alike for advice. I tried many more things. There were rewards and consequences. But nothing worked for more than a few days. The truth is, it was still me who was doing the motivating. This was really nothing more than a very bad habit. They say if you can build a new habit for two weeks, you’ll own it.
I’m not sure we’re completely owning it, but we’re a lot closer than we were.
One fabulous day in September I was talking to a former teacher and explained my dilemma. She smiled immediately and then offered the wisest suggestion I’ve heard so far.
When she had a classroom of kids who couldn’t stop talking and constantly thought of interesting things in the middle of a lesson, she gave them a piece of paper and told them to write down what they wanted to talk about and save it for later.
It worked perfectly. For one thing, the act of needing to write it down made him think about whether it was actually something worth talking about. Most of the time, writing was more of a chore than the joy of talking about something inconsequential. I wasn’t feeling like I was constantly shutting him down. He could converse about things that interested him, just at a different time. And finally, he was working at self-motivating. Usually, all it took was one question with the first random conversation at the beginning of the day. “Is that something you want to write on your paper?”
And that was it. He is motivated not to talk, because he is motivated not to write a long list of conversation pieces mostly contrived to avoid the task at hand.
Our days are much more peaceful with plenty of time for the interesting conversations that are relevant.
If only it wouldn’t have taken us years to find such a simple solution. But kids are all different. Sometimes you’re lucky and the first thing you try works. Other times, you have to try nearly every conceivable thing until you find the right method. Maybe that process is teaching them just as much as the lesson being learned. Anything worth learning is worth working at until you do learn it.
“It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves, that will make them successful human beings.” –Ann Landers
This suggestion is just what I needed to hear. 🙂 We’ve got waaay too many discussions on “unrelated items”.
I really enjoyed your post. I like your goals. I’ve been finding myself easily distracted by random things, and now I’m realizing it’s really not teaching my kids to stay focused. Then I get frustrated. I’m seeing that the problem is starting with me. 🙁 That’s what we’re working on now — doing what we do with a purpose. There’s always something to be learning!
awesome!! your son reminds me of another son I know well. 😉 But, I’m not his school teacher. Love the last quote you left us!! So true!
I love reading your homeschool posts. This was just a little nudge that I needed. I have two boys in about the same grades and ect. Its not always easy wearing all these different hats! Goimg to have to try this!
“We also try to parent in a way that makes sense for the rest of their life, i.e. , what kind of work ethic are they developing and is this going to be a detrimental or helpful pattern of behavior in a job?” I guess it depends on the type of job your son gets when he is an adult. The qualities you describe would be a benefit in many jobs and in life. I am “one of those moms” who view the constant pops of ideas & conversations as a positive : ) Little ones who have that constant flow of ideas are excited & enthusiastic about everything it seems! As far as work ethic goes, it depends on your definition and end goal. The child who gets things done quickly but doesn’t put any effort or thought into it may be more efficient time wise but to me is that really a good work ethic? Education shouldn’t be an efficient assembly line event. A child who may take a little bit longer but whose work is thoughtful, is learning about what he/she is doing, and enjoying the task at hand, is in my opinion, has a better work ethic. I know I’m not in the majority on this one amongst homeschooling moms but thought I’d throw my two cents in anyway 🙂 Your boys are adorable and praying that your sweet Zara’s health problems are healed!!
I love that you shared here! I didn’t mean to insinuate that flying through work without thought is good. I was more or less contrasting the two extremes we work with. This is one of the reasons I find homeschooling appealing is because it does allow us to work so much with character building at the same time as they are learning from textbooks. What I find though is that even creative jobs have parts that are simply drudgery and need to be done and the sooner we learn that hard work is a part of life, the easier it will be for us to be successful. Taking time and being thoughtful is different from daydreaming and avoiding work which is what we’ve been dealing with. He was miserable and his grades suffered because he didn’t stay focused enough to finish problems correctly. He’ll probably never be a speedy person, but he’s learning that steady and disciplined helps him to be successful and gives him time to do the creative things he wants to do. I would love to talk more with you! I love discussing learning and educating and especially enjoy discussions with moms who do things differently than I do, because it stretches me and helps me to see places I can grow.
Good idea! We did the same thing a few months ago with the son who popped put of bed too often to ask about this or that. He keeps a piece of paper and pencil on the nightstand and uses it sometimes. Other times, it’s not worth the effort. =)
I love when a solution to a problem is so successful! It’s the finding of the solution that eludes me too often.
I hear you! The finding the solution part is the trickiest!
What a great idea! I’ve got a classroom of kids with that problem, and I haven’t known what to do with them. I’m definitely going to try this. 🙂 Thanks for sharing!
I’d love to hear how it works for you. 🙂
I love that you are blogging more. I am benefiting from you tips and wisdom!
Gina
Thanks, Gina! I’m hoping that “blogging more” will also soon translate into reading more blogs. You know how it is … you just have to figure out how to reschedule things. It feels as though I’ve never gotten back into the groove since our move and lack of internet for a few months and I really miss the input from others.